Working full time

[Doggotired]

Hi,
I am a lone parent with a 6 year old and a 12 year old, they do not see their dad and haven’t for 5 years…. His choice. I work full time 9-5 Monday to Friday and I’m just fucked.
I’m so tired all the time, weekends are spent doing housework and trying to do fun things with the kids. I barely earn enough money as we also get no financial support for the ex as he doesn’t work.
I feel like I will remember my life when the kids were young as just a permanent tired skint struggle. I can’t afford to go part time and there is no solution to this but I just want someone to say yeah it’s shit I agree as whenever I mention I’m tried to anyone it’s just like oh well….

Do you have a mortgage to pay OP? Is that why you cannot go part time?

It's tough being a single mum. I'm sure your doing a wonderful job.

Do the kids help around the house? If not, now is the time to start. You are a household, you cannot do it all alone, so don't be a martyr. A 12 year old should be more than capable of doing most chores, even cooking. A 6 year old can help with putting things away, dusting, help sort out washing, lots of smaller jobs.
Do you batch cook so you can have things to just heat up when you're tired? Your children don't need to be doing things every weekend. We don't. Often just settling on the sofa to watch a film together is enough.
Perhaps having a schedule will help you feel more organised. So Monday evening, clean the bathroom, Tuesday evening, vac, etc. Don't cram everything into one day.
Is your job particularly strenuous, is that why you are tired? Are you sleeping? Do you have enough iron in your diet?

Are you getting all the benefits you are entitled to? Someone else might be able to point you in the right direction.

Sounds like you are trying to put too much pressure on yourself. It’s okay at the weekends to do nothing, or sit and watch a movie on a grey day with them and relax. Or do nothing at all. Nice to do fun things but the kids have been at school all week and downtime is good for everyone.

I’m lucky I don’t work full time anymore. When I did I finished slightly earlier and used the time to blitz the house when I came in so not to have to do it at the weekends. I’d then have something easy for tea and go to bed as early as I could manage to get a long sleep in.

I don’t think it’s ‘oh well’ working full time with children is hard, especially with zero support.

I have a stressful job and it’s mentally tiring, by the time i am home and after school clubs such as swimming and stuff are done and tea is cooked it’s almost the little ones bed time and then I am just too tired to do anything else. I get comments that implying I’m lazy cos I just want to go bed at 10pm and not do jobs and such so then I think I should be doing other things and not leaving everything to a Saturday. I dunno I just wanted to see how others manage in my situation
I get tax credits which pay for before and after school club but that’s all, it’s all in entitled to. I do have a massive loan of my ex husbands to pay off which makes things even more difficult but I can’t do anything about that as it’s my name

Nothing helpful to add unfortunately. Just to say I'm the exact same. No support with the children, work full time to pay of ExH debts.

I'm exhausted and rarely make it past 9pm.

Can you talk to someone who specialises in loans, a financial charity. If you can’t really afford it might be worth approaching them to see what they can do.

I don’t think going to bed at 10pm is early. I go around the same time when I’m working.

The activities and things do start to drop off. My 13 year old only goes to one thing now (another closed with covid) and I don’t know how long that will last.

Who is making these comments OP? You need to distance yourself from who ever it is.

Lots of mums go to bed at 10pm. I thought that was the norm unless your one of them who likes to be up really late!

Do a benefits calculator to see if you are actually getting all you are entitled too.
I’m in the same boat with a toddler. Monday- Friday 9-5 but by the time we get home it’s past 6. I feel like it’s an uphill battle. I get UC but previous financial commitments and nursery feels like i’m not getting anything.
I crash out on the sofa every night and it’s hard get stuff done.

You are not alone in the way you feel at all

It’s just relentless and hard sometimes isn’t it and I want to remember good bits too and not just how hard it all was

I was a full-time working single mum for years - I totally get it. It will get easier as the kids get older, I promise.
Do you make time for exercise and meditation? Both helped me enormously on the energy front.

Going to bed at 10pm sounds sensible to me, sleep is important! Don't let anyone make you feel bad about that. x

I hear you OP. I'm a lone parent too with a full time job. Husband left when they were babies, they are 3 and 4 now. It is relentless and totally exhausting. I have even been using annual leave to try to declutter, fun times! 🤣 I am trying really hard to be present in the time we are at home and just have fun, not be constantly trying to get things done. But the chaos in the house then makes me feel overwhelmed. I'm also autistic so really struggle with the mess and noise!

I'm looking forward to some downtime with them in the Christmas hols. In the meantime, I dream of sleep!