Advice needed

[As2155]

Hi all,

I’m going to be honest here. I have no idea whether the pitch forks will come out.

My soon to be ex-wife decided for the second time that things are over. I can imagine eye rolls already.

She threw me out two and a bit years ago. Took me a while to get on my feet and I was basically left homeless, by sleeping on a couch. Our boy started displaying more and more signs of special needs and I was worried as I only saw him at weekends (before we split I settled him every night). So when my ex asked to reconcile on a number of levels I thought it was a good idea especially to support my boy. Working together we got him a diagnosis and a special school place. All the while I settled him every night. We had a lot of problems with sleep and took it in turns if he woke up at night to sit with him.

A few months ago she decided again she wanted to end things. She had been out 6 nights a week seeing friends for the past few months prior. She said I could stay until I got a place. I told her because I had bad credit it would be very tough for me and I had nowhere suitable long term in between.

Fast forward 3 months and she has met someone (pretty much as soon as we split up) and she has been leaving me to look after my child and hers overnight at times as things are too awkward for her.

She told me this week to leave and told her children from her previous marriage I had gone so as to make it hard for me to return without upsetting them.

I have spoken to the council and as I am volunteeally homeless I will get no help. I have been promised custody of my boy when I get a place, but I’m now into my 15th house viewing. My mum says get a flat, but my child needs to stym so that can’t happen.

The council told me to go back, the police said I have a right to be there. What would you do?

I’ve had so much hate for so long for being a good dad. I’m stopping her being a mother, I’m too controlling etc. I’ve had angry friends and relatives come to the house. Sometimes it’s helped to clear the air, but I’m under pressure to the point of being ill.

All I’ve tried to do is be a good parent and a good person.

I don't know a lot about housing. Have you had advice from the council. They can offer deposits scheme etc to help. I would also contact an organisation like shelter who might be able to sign post you further.

Is the family home mortgage or rented? What are the plans for this.

When you do not want a relationship to end it is difficult. Change is hard. More so when it has been thrusted upon you. Gather support around you. And try to engage as little as necessary with your soon to be ex. Do what you need to. To protect your own mental well being.

Set boundaries in place regarding finances. And contact. Seek legal advice as necessary.

Regarding your finances have you had any support in this area CAP or step change would be able to give guidance

Start getting your ducks in a row. Show her that you are taking control of your circumstances. And go day by day.

Thank you. It’s council and they have told me I need to go back as they don’t consider me needing support.

I don’t want to go back as it could cause upset and the whole reason for staying is not being able to get a place.

I am seeking advice at present.