Getting ex to COMMIT to regular childcare days and CM?

[ZubinB]

I have 2 kids with my ex (3 and 8). He is a Jekyll and Hyde character - sometimes really amicable and thoughtful, the next EXCEPTIONLLY rude and argumentative. He is so tricky to handle.
He has been in and out of work the last couple of years. CM has reduced from £500 to £200 pcm, He's not working as much, but is having the children less? It doesn't correlate! He generally has the kids less than 48 hours every fortnight and is does intermittent school drops/pick ups.
I am just about to go back to work (20 hours a week) and I want a schedule in place so he is doing his share - both financially and time wise. Everytime I mention it, I get smarta*se answers and grunts! I asked him today about doing some pick ups this week as he isn't working much, and just got 'hmpf, thought you might find me useful this week' - Like I am 'using' him for goodness sake!
Anyway, how do I get him to commit. I'm trying to save to buy a house (he has one) so want to push on all fronts that he does his share, but he is just so vile when I try to talk to him.
How should I play it??

I don’t think you can force him to do anything at all. He has to pay you maintenance, but he doesn’t have to pay for childcare or help you in any way.

I mean, he should want to see his children and things. But you can’t make him do any more than the absolute minimum. And if he’s a dick, you’ll be wasting your breath trying.

You can't force a flaky parent to step up. And if they are a bit rubbish it is likely they like the game playing of letting you down when it is important.

Don't factor him into your child care arrangements. Make your own plans around work and school. Arrange set days for him to see the children. And if he doesn't turn up don't chase him. And get on with your day. He doesn't get to rearrange he will wait until the next Saturday for example.

I know this is a hard line to take. And I had to deal with an awful lot of fall out for taking this action. I had the children ready on Friday at x time. Gave him 30-60 mins. Then we went out. He would then wait another 2 weeks before contact again. He quickly learnt I wasn't going to be messed about. And we are now a few years down the line and I am more flexible.

With money let the CMS deal with this. Let them know the change in over nights. Give them as much info as you can. His address employer NI number etc. And let them do the leg work. I know it isn't far. I have gone the best part of 3 years without any child support. It sucks and isn't fair. Occasional I got a months payment and then it stopped again. I gave up asking ex because it was only me getting upset and he would repeatedly lie. And it achieved nothing. I just budgeted with what I had coming in. And if I got any money from their father I have replaced beds. Carpets etc.

I don’t know, my ex is absent and doesn’t pay any maintenance so when you find out let me know!