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Single parent, international family, how does it work?

12 replies

GotoutoftheUKphew · 10/10/2021 20:38

Bit complicated.

I am from A.
Ex is from B.
Kids were born in B but have dual nationality (A and B).
DC and I are now living in C with full permission from ex who remained in B.
He is now demanding DC to return to B.
DC would like to stay in C. So would I.
What happens?

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 10/10/2021 20:40

He can demand what he likes.

Who has custody?

GotoutoftheUKphew · 10/10/2021 20:42

Joint custody.

Is it right that from 13+ the kids get to choose? If so, is this a global thing?

OP posts:
ChateauMargaux · 10/10/2021 20:56

How long have you been living in C? Is there proof that you had your Ex's permission, was there a court agreement on custody, visitation and contact? It could be that the courts decide if your children are habitually resident in C. I think the rules are different for different countries.

This is a starting point for they EU.. m.facebook.com/groups/1744868815554415/?locale2=en_US

I think you should consult a lawyer.

ChateauMargaux · 10/10/2021 21:05

www.divorcenet.com/states/nationwide/child_custody_international_moves

This is helpful on the Hague Convention. On the face of it, if the move took place over a year ago and your child does not wish to return, you might be able to stay where you are.

You might want to ask this in Living Overseas or in a local facebook support group for foreign residents. We see a lot of this among immigrants where I live. It can be hard to move away, which is the scenario I see discussed most frequently, however as you have already moved, this should work in your favour.

GotoutoftheUKphew · 10/10/2021 21:26

THANK YOU 💐

I will have to find a local lawyer then.

I am hoping they will actually ask the kids. I hope they don’t split the kids up.

We have been away from country B for over a year but not the whole time in country C.

It’s so ridiculous. He’s such an arse and DC1 actively dislikes him due to past abuse. I have to force DC1 to see him in the holidays. I couldn’t imagine him living there. He’d be beside himself with stress and misery.

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 10/10/2021 21:39

If the dc are settled and you can prove he initially consented to the move with the understanding it was permanent then he doesn't have a say (if dc are older even less so)

GotoutoftheUKphew · 10/10/2021 21:46

I could prove he consented.
I could not prove it is a permanent move (it might not be).
I could prove historical abuse.

OP posts:
ChateauMargaux · 11/10/2021 08:37

Ask other local residents who are from other countries who have been through similar situations for recommendations for lawyers. You want someone who is totally on your side. You would be surprised how many lawyers see the needs of the father ahead of the child.

Get all of your evidence in order; proof of abuse, proof that he consented to the move, proof that you have facilitated contact and agreed to his requests despite your child's reluctance to see him, proof that he has not wanted more access, did not provide primary parent care responsibilities before the split, get a neutral party to interview the children and ask them to state their wishes as part of an evidence pack, this could be a lawyer or if they have any external support like counsellors etc.

Once you have all of your evidence and your legal support in place then wait.. and see what he brings to you. It might be an empty threat. He might not be willing to engage the law to pursue this. If he brings it up, ask him to address this to your lawyer. If he makes changes to the contact arrangements, remind him that you have an agreement. If the contact agreement is not in writing, not written in the presence of lawyers or not court agreed, consider whether this is something you would wish to pursue.

Once he brings a case, my understanding is that there is a commitment to get it resolved within 6 weeks, so you will not have much time to get things in order. However, in advance of this happening, keep documentation that you have made every effort to meet the needs of your children while facilitating contact within the existing agreed terms.

Good luck, get your support around you.. if you are in Switzerland, I can put you in touch with people who might be able to help.

Starlightstarbright1 · 11/10/2021 08:43

This is going to be far too complicaated to answer on here..
it is going to depend on laws in the country of B and C..

I would also be wary of when you return them to contact in country B at risk of him refusing to allow them to leave.

You do need legal advice.

liveforsummer · 11/10/2021 16:58

it is going to depend on laws in the country of B and C..

No it doesn't. The Hague convention is international and that's what is used in such a case. Although I houses OP could be in a country that isn't signed up but a huge number are.

The odds are in your favour OP given what you've said but it's a complex situation. Make sure your lawyer is an expert in international family law not just their own counties. That can be pretty difficult in some places where standards of practice can be lower or there is widespread corruption. Fingers crossed for you. It's a horrible position to be in (talking from experience)

GotoutoftheUKphew · 11/10/2021 17:49

I am not in Switzerland but I am in a Hague convention country.

I think my biggest hope is that they listen to the kids.

Thank you for all your advice 🙏

OP posts:
GettingItOutThere · 12/10/2021 20:33

Ditto above - i would also be aware of holiday's etc and him not returning the children and fighting you in court that way

Best of luck, i am not legal so will not offer advice

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