Single mum working full time

[Akayjay]

Hi, I’m new here.
Feeling in such a rut just now. I was with my ex for 10 years we split when son 6 months old when I found out he was having affair. I put him out there and then, luckily had a good job and support network so provided for my son on my own. He was away galavanting for a few months and never saw his son, on return he done a bit not much though. He helped financially from time to time but only when convenient for him. We’ve tried mutual agreements but nothings ever stuck. He’s supposed to have him 2 evenings a week and 1 over night, these never happen, and I’ve also had to contact child maintenance for help with costs. Nothings ever consistent, which leaves me to pick up the pieces. I love my son, he’s my world and I love my job but I feel this is all I live for. I’ve stopped being me, I have literally no time to myself, it’s the silly things like booking a hair app I need to get a baby sitter to go. I hate asking people as I get help during the week while I work. When he’s with his dad I have guilt free time but when not I feel terrible asking for help as feel selfish about it. I don’t do anything for myself and it’s really getting me down. I can’t even visit friends alone as always have my son with me. He loves his dad but is seeing how he treats me, this is causing my son to be extra clingy aswell. Any help or support with this.

How old is your dc? If they’re happy sitting in hairdressers you could take them with you. I’ve done that and they sat and read comic, had sweets and a drink, just made it a treat for them. Bloody annoying that we just can’t pop out without the palaver

How well do you know your neighbours, OP? I would get to know the ones with reliable teenage daughters who might like some money for babysitting.
I was widowed with two babies and raised them alone (they are in their thirties now, I never remarried) while working full time.
I would never have had a night out but for the kind and sensible teens in my village.

My sons 4 years old, he already comes everywhere with me so he great when out and about, often accompanies me to appointments. Although I know 9/10 times he’ll sit well behaved, u can’t just relax for watching him just incase. We don’t have any young ones around us, however we do have lots of friends and family who regularly offer, that’s not the problem. They help a lot for me to work and feel guilty asking for extra just for me, feels selfish in a way x

i was in your situation . i found a great mobile hairdresser.. Although your DS is currently too young I signed my DS up for Beavers.. it gave me a little breathing time and as he got older went on camps which were my nights out.

It does get easier. but there isn't an easy solution.

I was in your situation and it's hard.

Don't be so reluctant to ask for help. As long as you don't abuse it, your friends will gladly help you. Can you find another single mum, because we all have the same problems and she will be as keen to swap babysitting as you are.

What about neighbours? I have a 'pseudo-nan' next door who watched DS in an emergency, and loved it.

it is really tough - I was a single parent to 2 and I honestly look back and I'm not sure how I did it

who looks after your son when you work - could they hold onto him for a bit of extra time so you can do things like get your haircut after work? is there anywhere near you that has say a gym or somewhere like that with a creche so on a saturday you can go there and even just do some gentle exercise and sit in the shower for ages?

I promise it does get easier in the end as others have said - it just feels like a very long road!

I could have written this, well apart from the love my job bit 🤣 or have support. But I feel your pain. My DS is 2 and it's a struggle. I find the only way to make it work is to book time off work to get those types of bits done or just forgo it. I figure it won't be forever and keep telling myself I'm sure I will look back and realise I wished it all away. Just know you're not alone and like others have said maybe lean on those that have offered to help and go from there. Good luck and ATB x

I hear you Op I'm in exactly the same situation. It's like I go to work for a bit of normal conversation. My child is 4 and only sees dad once a month when he can be bothered.
It's mind blowing hard. Pm if you need to talk Op just have to keep pushing forward 💐

I'm new here ... and not sure how it all works, but here goes .... I'm a single mum to 4 ... my two eldest see their dad regularly and d enough to kinda look after themselves. But my 2 daughters are 6 and 8 ... their dad is useless only sees them every other Saturday from 10am til 5pm .... and that took me 2 years to getvthat contact from him (he's too interested in new family) always an excuse for not having over night stays ... we have been broke up over 4 years now, when he left I had to leave my job as I couldn't get childcare for nights or weekends, I got another job which is part time and just days and works around school times, perfect right?! .... but i hate it!! It's so boring and it's not a career or anything .... and with rising costs I feel I need to go back to full time work .... had an interview and I'm quietly confident I could get it ... but it's a full time managers position, would you take it if offered? I feel guilty about my children being with either a child minder or my eldest son could help, but I have no one else to help family or friends I am alone .... and obviously my girls father is no help looking after them or financially.... in 4 years I think he's donated £50 for uniforms. I havent got the job yet... and may not but I feel guilty ... I'm almost 38 and feel like I have nothing to show my children 😕... I want them to see that I can work and provide for them and that they can choose that path too if wanted, I just worry I won't be home enough.... I don't know what to do.

Tbh, I usually time my hair appointments to coincide with my son's and take him something to keep him entertained in the interim or if I want to go alone, I work some additional hours and take the time as flexi. Is that an option?

My DD went to Stagecoach on a Saturday it was 1.5 hours at first increased to 3 when she was 6. She loved it and it was a lifesaver for me just to have that chunk of time to shop, go to the gym, or just have a coffee and read the paper.