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Original poster

What to do about shoes/clothes?

16 replies

PurpleNebula84 · 09/10/2021 17:42

My DD has so far spent one night at her dad's and he took her to school the following day - I'm now down her pair of trainers, the clothes she was wearing and her iPad (that was gifted to her by my mum) - how is best to work it so that I don't end up with everything she owns staying there? I have given ex some clothes to have at his, but I've kept the vast majority as I have paid for them and he can buy his own from now on.
Pick up/drop offs will mostly be through school, so we won't see eachother xx

OP posts:
TurnUpTurnip · 09/10/2021 18:27

Only sent what she’s wearing, he should have his own clothes there....

Original poster
PurpleNebula84 · 09/10/2021 18:37

But it seems he is keeping what I send her in - WIBU to send him a text asking him to put her trainers and iPad in her school and I'll collect them off the childminder (if she is happy for me to pick them up from her) xx

OP posts:
unicornsarereal72 · 09/10/2021 18:41

If pick up and drop off is via school don't send anything. It's up to
Him to have the things she needs there. We have eow and I have spent 3 years chasing clothes. Shoes and coats. My children are older now. So are able to pack themselves. But I don't send anything I wouldn't miss here. And never send more than one pair of shoes. They go in what she is wearing. They are with there dad 4 days a month. So stuff needs to be here.

TurnUpTurnip · 09/10/2021 18:41

I wouldn’t send an iPad to his house tbh, but no it’s not unreasonable to ask for her stuff back

TurnUpTurnip · 09/10/2021 18:41

If she wants to play with stuff at his house he should be buying it

SpacePotato · 09/10/2021 18:41

Of course your not being unreasonable to ask for them back. Especially the bloody iPad!

Original poster
PurpleNebula84 · 09/10/2021 18:52

Thank you! I'll await childminder's response around the iPad (I don't think school would be happy it being in her bag all day) but I will text him tomorrow and say that I want them sending back xx

OP posts:
Original poster
PurpleNebula84 · 09/10/2021 18:56

FWIW - I can honestly say I'm absolutely broken right now - he wants 50 50 contact even though it's been maximum 70/30 in our relationship. He's not the greatest dad, but not neglectful, so I don't see a relevant argument in opposing/restricting 50/50. I can only wait and document when it doesn't work - this is the first weekend and I'm missing my baby girl (she's 4.5) 😭😭😭

OP posts:
DirtyBlonde · 09/10/2021 19:04

You need to get the iPad back, and no it shouldn't be taken in to school

Can you take DD round and tell her to knock on the door and ask for it back? You wait a little distance off (but where you can see she is OK)

Original poster
PurpleNebula84 · 09/10/2021 19:22

I will do that if the childminder isn't willing to hold it back for me Monday when he drops her off xx

OP posts:
Blendiful · 09/10/2021 22:31

She goes in what she’s wearing. Shoes come back in her school bag. The iPad doesn’t go. If she needs an iPad when she’s there he needs to get his own.

Clothes too can come back in her school bag, minus underwear which can be swapped between the 2 houses so you may technically end up with some of ‘his’ and he will have yours.

doyouwantachuffedybadge · 10/10/2021 01:14

What?! Why on Earth are you acting like the non resident parent needs to be mollycoddled? Do NOT send any electronics. And why would the childminder have any say in what gets returned to you? What exactly is happening here?

What has made you so scared of everything?

Is he scared of everything?

Stop paying for things on behalf of your child's father. He needs to pay for everything while he has her if he has he exactly half the time.

Original poster
PurpleNebula84 · 10/10/2021 02:07

This is how being with him has made me - I'm the shell of the person I used to be - everything I do he has a way if seemingly making it out I am acting unreasonable. Our care of our daughter has been majority my responsibility, doing all pick up and drop offs, working part time so massively reducing my income to care for our DD, purchasing all her clothes yet having to remind him monthly to pay his small contribution to household bills - he is insisting on 50/50 contact and I have mentioned this has not been the usual status quo and according to him I have prevented him taking more responsibility 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ He could argue the sky is green and he'd still be right even with all the evidence the sky is in fact blue and always has been. This is the man who on me ending things told me he was not leaving my house. I put my house up for sale and he then tried to bully me to sell the house to him even though financially at that point he was not in a position to buy a house (oh and not forgetting prior to this he told me he was too old to move into his parents but I could move into my parents with my DD and he would rent the house from me). He has stayed in my house for the last 4 months whilst I have had no option to sleep under my daughter's cabin bed on a Z bed as the alternative is sharing a bed with him. He has then completed on a house and wasn't going to tell me as he was going to stay until I moved so we all left together. Whilst never physically abusive, he has over time broke me down emotionally.
With regards to the childminder, I just wanted to make sure she would be happy to hold on to the iPad for me to collect from her as I don't think DD taking it to school all day is appropriate - she has said yes BTW.

OP posts:
Luzina · 10/10/2021 02:11

Schools are often ok with keeping a bag in the office in these situations, so he can pack one with her iPad etc and leave it there

SD1978 · 10/10/2021 02:45

For us we have a school bag and an another bag. Other bag goes to the office and is picked up from there at the end of the day with electronics/ clothes in it. School have been fine accomodating this so that stuff is returned. Been doing it for 4 years with no issue

ChristmasPlanning · 10/10/2021 04:11

He sounds abusive Thanks

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