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Original poster

Why is my son so tired at his dads house?

21 replies

november90 · 03/10/2021 20:30

He stays 2 nights a week and ex is making a point now of saying how tired he is and he's over sleeping in the morning etc. I have no idea why this is happening, he isn't over tired when he is at home - he goes to bed at 7:30 and normally wakes up on his own accord at around 6/6:30. He made a point today of saying he was shattered, but he left the house fine. I'm not sure if it's ex trying to trip me up or insinuate something.... but has anyone ever experienced this? I don't understand why he seems so much more sleepy there compared to being at home?
DS is 4.

OP posts:
Authenticcelestialmusic · 03/10/2021 20:32

The first thing that sprung to mind (and is hopefully irrelevant) was, does he have a working carbon monoxide detector?

TheVolturi · 03/10/2021 20:32

Is he putting him to bed early enough? Is he getting disturbed in the night with noise etc?

TheVolturi · 03/10/2021 20:33

And does your son seem happy to go?

Yourstupidityexhaustsme · 03/10/2021 20:35

He might not be sleeping as well at dads as he does in his own room at mums. Are contacts overnight new or has he recently moved?

Alternatively I would assume it’s just a power play. Suggest he put him to bed earlier.

Original poster
november90 · 03/10/2021 20:36

@Authenticcelestialmusic oh goodness I have absolutely no idea!

He seems fine to go but He is happy to come home as he likes his home comforts and having his own bedroom.
I suppose I was just worried that him being so sleepy might end a sign of something... why is he wanting naps when he's been away just a Few hours.... I don't get it! He's not like this at all at home.

OP posts:
ANameChangeAgain · 03/10/2021 20:37

It could just be that they are very active on contact days?

hamstersarse · 03/10/2021 20:37

Carbon monoxide also sprung to my mind.

If he’s genuinely totally different, it would be worth discounting this

Original poster
november90 · 03/10/2021 20:37

He told me he was going to put him to bed at 6 tonight which seemed a bit extreme but if he feels he need it then I am all for it but a nap during the day and then going to bed at 6 just seems so odd. He sleeps over 2 nights a week :(

OP posts:
FWBNC · 03/10/2021 20:39

Maybe he's not. Maybe it's just your Ex trying to make you worry/accuse you of being a bad parent/whatever?!

VaguelyInteresting · 03/10/2021 20:40

Does your ex just want to get him off to bed early for whatever reason, so is laying the groundwork for DS coming home and saying his dad put him to bed ridiculously early?

Lennybenny · 03/10/2021 20:42

Is he having a growth spurt? Has it only recently started? Is ex implying it happens every time he stays?

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 03/10/2021 20:42

“How very odd. He’s fine when he’s here. Have you got a carbon monoxide detector? You might need to look into that urgently.”

Yourstupidityexhaustsme · 03/10/2021 20:44

@KleineDracheKokosnuss

“How very odd. He’s fine when he’s here. Have you got a carbon monoxide detector? You might need to look into that urgently.”
This.

Don’t play his game. As awful as it sounds it’s really his dads issue and not yours. It’s on his time, what does he want you to do?

Original poster
november90 · 03/10/2021 20:45

I'm sort of wondering if ex is trying to imply something about me, but all I can say is that he never asks or needs a nap at home and he's at bed at such a reasonable time so I just don't even know what to say about it! I wondered if it might be something psychological for son when he's away... but I have no idea what!

OP posts:
Reallyimeanreally2022 · 03/10/2021 20:48

Have you asked your son about his routine there? Whether he sleeps well? Is his bed comfortable? Does he hear noises?

Your son should be able to guide you in figuring it out. Might take a little probing

Reallyimeanreally2022 · 03/10/2021 20:49

Does he enjoy being at his dad’s
Could it be that he is feigning sleepiness so he can go to his room?

VimFuego101 · 03/10/2021 20:53

@Reallyimeanreally2022

Have you asked your son about his routine there? Whether he sleeps well? Is his bed comfortable? Does he hear noises?

Your son should be able to guide you in figuring it out. Might take a little probing

I agree with this. Are they watching something on TV that scares DS so he can't get to sleep? Is he sharing a room with someone that might keep him awake? Does he have a night light or a little bit of light so he doesn't feel completely in the dark? Too hot/ cold? What do they eat for dinner, is there any kind of sugary pudding?
Original poster
november90 · 03/10/2021 20:54

I think he is happy enough to go but I know that he does like to come home and he loves his home comforts. It used to take a lot of reassurance from me about when he would come home but he seems more settled now that he's older and he understands his time there. He shares a room with his dad at his house, his dad almost suggested that he sleeps longer at his house because he is in the same room as him so he feels more reassured or some bull like that! What a Load of crap!
But I know ex, next time we have a row or swim thing he will try and use this to suggest something about me. He's been emotionally abusive in the past and I just feel like I can see the signs. But also, I don't want to miss anything if something could be wrong!

OP posts:
anunseemlylovefordustin · 03/10/2021 21:01

Does he get fed a lot of sugar/crap there? My daughter spends Friday evening and Saturday day with her dad and always arrives back completely shattered, falling asleep at 5.30, having giant meltdowns. I think part of it is just her not sleeping as well when she's there, and part of it is that they literally give her anything she wants. She came home yesterday saying she'd had pancakes for dinner, with honey and chocolate spread. I checked, because I though naaah, she must have got confused - and they said yes, it was a 'treat' dinner. The peaks and crashes from the sugar are really visible in her. Maybe it's something like that? I'd go with the suggestion of getting it on record that you've asked him to confirm he has a working carbon monoxide detector, though. He won't like that, perhaps it'll put him on the back foot/ make him have second thoughts about carrying on with whatever it is he's building up to (I agree with you that it's probably something he wants to use against you, even if you're not quite sure how).

BananaPB · 04/10/2021 18:56

There's lots of possibilities here

  • ex is screwing with you. He likes keeping you on eggshells
  • ds has a different routine at his dad's which tires him out- your ex is exaggerating. Maybe ds wakes at 6:45 or 7 rather than 6:30? Also you don't know what time ds goes to sleep
  • maybe cosleeping makes him sleep longer? He sees Dad asleep and goes back to bed for a bit.
  • you mention swimming. Is it PE or after school club night when he goes to his Dad's?
Lachimolala · 06/10/2021 16:36

My ex always did things like this to me, he was emotionally abusive as well controlling, gaslighting, manipulative etc.

All it was in the end was him on another one of his power trips trying to mess with my head. I didn’t respond to half of it.

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