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Original poster

Not sure whether to date or not

10 replies

JellyOnAPlatewithicecream · 02/10/2021 19:23

I would love to have a partner / family and not be on my own, but wary of knocking myself off balance, just about managing to keep everything ticking along nicely with me and my 18 month old. Don't want to take my energy away from being a good mum to him. I do get some baby free time luckily and enjoy exercising / meeting friends and work part time. Just thinking dating might be a bit ambitious.. it feels like a bit step. Does anyone else feel the same? On the other hand I would like to have a partner again at some point, maybe waiting a few years might be best! I just don't know.

OP posts:
BakingOfTheFoodCats · 02/10/2021 20:07

I’ve been single for 5 years, I can’t date as never have child free time (kids don’t see their dad) I would date if you want but I would probably wait till baby is a bit older as I wouldn’t want to date with a young baby but of course that’s just me.

BananaPB · 03/10/2021 15:43

It's a difficult dilemma. I can't imagine fitting dating in with my life either but then again maybe you could still have some fun when you're baby free.

MintJulia · 03/10/2021 15:51

I waited until ds was 4, then had a few dates but finding a man who is tolerant of a small child is pretty difficult.
I did try for a while but gave up. Ds is 13 now. I might try again next year.

littleloopylou · 03/10/2021 15:57

My daughter is almost 5. I have been single for the last two years.

It's tough, isn't it? I felt the same as you and have made very little effort to meet anyone, but recently got on OLD. At the moment, I have just started going on dates with a man who seems content to meet up every two weeks and to text sporadically over the week. If this goes well, I can envisage inviting him over when my daughter is asleep. But who knows how that would all go.

Just sharing this to commiserate, and to make the point that dating needn't be all-consuming.

I will be interested to see what others say!

november90 · 03/10/2021 20:34

I feel exactly the same. I have 2 DS age 4 and 1. Husband walked out on me during pregnancy almost 2 years ago. Whilst I am completely over our marriage and happy that we aren't together I just can't imagine being with anyone else because I can't imagine taking my energy away from my boys! I wish I didn't feel like this because I want a family and a partner and I'd love another child but I just can't imagine sharing myself 🙈 It's just so difficult and I can only hope it gets easier as they get older! But saying that I am quite happy as I am!

Original poster
JellyOnAPlatewithicecream · 03/10/2021 23:01

Thanks everyone, it's good to know others understand how I feel. I think maybe I'll wait till he's a bit older. I'm scared of being on my own forever though :-( ! Although to be honest most of the time I love mine and my babies life, It's just sometimes things set me off / I have a day when I'm feeling sad about things. I feel envious of people in a loving stable relationship with kids. It seems like a very hard time (when you have small children) to be back in the dating scene. X

OP posts:
Libelula21 · 03/10/2021 23:35

Similar dilemma here. My beloved partner died in 2019 just 6 weeks shy of our DS turning 2. It’s been a hard road but now I’m recovering, and feeling lonely.
Not working right at the moment but otherwise I’d have virtually zero time for dating - theoretically I could manage lunchtime dates just now.
DS and I are happy together in our own way, I’d love to build on that, but am also aware (thanks, Mumsnet!) of all that can go wrong with relationships, especially when there are children involved. I was a late mum, so also on the older side.
It’s never easy….

BakingOfTheFoodCats · 04/10/2021 10:17

Of course you won’t be alone for ever if you don’t want to, your baby is still very young, I can’t imagine wanting to date with a young baby, plenty of time in a year or two!

meMaMoMOmo · 04/10/2021 10:25

I would date and have fun but I wouldn't be planning on introducing my children for at least 18 months/ 2 years

When I split up with my childrens father ( 7 year DV relationship which is relevant as I feel it heightened the feelings of loneliness and never having a family again )

I quickly got into a new relationship and quickly introduced my children. They were only 3 and 1 at the time and loved spending time with him. 2.6 years down the line when we split up my children were the most devastated. The kids were the reason I considered staying in the relationship as they were so happy! I've been split up with him for a year now and the kids still ask about him

I dont kick myself too much for it as I understand I was in a dark place and was on the rebound as such, I can see why I was desperate for that sort of love ( not saying your desperate)

I'm dating a new man now and I have no plans on introducing my children for a very very long time.

If you have childcare dating is easy enough. And it's nice to go and do fun things without a small child in tow :)

singlemama91 · 07/10/2021 18:50

Hi there, I'm in a similar position. I split up with my ex in unfortunate circumstances (his fault) and have two DCs who are 1 and 3 and I have been a bit scared to start dating again.

It seems daunting enough to put myself out there without adding small kids to the mix and same as you I am very jealous of stable families!

It seems like adding kids to your profile on a dating app is like an automatic swipe no from the guy

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