Toddler broke leg and her dad is MIA

[Curlywurly1983]

My 2 year old had a fall last week and fractured her leg. We had a horrible day in two different hospitals before she left with a splint. I told her dad and asked him to FaceTime her as he lives about 4 hours away and he did. Two days later we were asked to come in for a full cast due to the severity of the fracture. I sent him a photo of her with her cast on and told him and no response. I’ve had the week from hell as she is struggling so much and is too scared to walk on her cast. I kept her off nursery for a few days and family helped with her but she wanted me all the time and it was so difficult dealing with it alongside work, where I couldn’t take more than a couple of days leave. It’s now a week since her dad FaceTimed her. I’m really angry that he has not even offered to help in any way but, more than that, he hasn’t even bothered to ask how she is?? As far as I’m aware he is planning on coming for a few hours in a week for his once in a blue moon visit to tick the box that makes him feel like a good guy, and I’m seriously tempted to tell him not to bother. Am
I being petty? I’m so angry that he just swans in when it pleases him, doing nothing whatsoever (he changed his first and only nappy when she was 20 months as an example) and gets a nice bit of play time with her and disappears again and I have to do all the hard work. This is the last in a long list of things he has done, including not bothering to visit her at all between 6-12 months old. Not sure how to handle this without being selfish and petty

You’re not being petty at all. He’s not supporting you or his child. Consistency is important. Would you take him to court to arrange visitation or do you honestly think your child is better off without him? Only you know what’s best for your family.

I mean you’re not unreasonable to be annoyed but if he didn’t bother seeing her at all for 6 months of her life it’s not exactly out of character. If I was you I’d stop asking him to FaceTime/sending photos/facilitating his parenting.

Work out a contact and maintenance schedule (so he can’t swan in and out every month or whatever) and lower your emotional expectations. It’s unlikely to affect your daughter much, as she won’t expect or be looking for his support. It’s you she’ll be counting on.

You can’t take him to court to make him see her so ignore that suggestion, a parent can’t be made to see a child. Really as sad as it is this doesn’t surprise me though, hope your little one is ok

I hope he pays maintenance

If he isn't an abusive dad please do not stop him seeing her. That said you are not wrong to be pissed he hasn't made more effort to ask how she is and you are totally justified in voicing that too him.

@tootiredtospeak dropping in and out of your child's life when you feel like it is abusive.

I wouldn't tell him not to come but you could tell him you think the fact he has shown no sort of concern for her when she is so poorly doesn't reflect well on him.

I am not sure at 2 and from what the OP has said that would be considered abuse.

I would let the anger go, it hurts no one but yourself.
Continue to be a great single mum to your DD. In the future she will see him for what he is, I did.

@tootiredtospeak the lifelong emotional devastation that deadbeat dads like this can cause should not be underestimated. For a parent to neglect their child as he is doing is abusive. A parent who doesn’t care about their child is causing damage to them. OP doesn’t owe him a thing, and it’s highly likely that his occasional fleeting presence in his child’s life is not a positive thing for anyone except him.

I have an older daughter from a previous relationship. When she was a few months old she was in hospital, I was alone as always and was told she had 24 hours to live. When I immediately called her 'dad' he said the hospital was too far to drive to as he was tired after work. So really nothing suprises me with unless men. Luckily my dd survived by some miracle and outstanding medical intervention that il forever be in dept to the doctors for.

I was the one facilitating and encouraging contact. He too would disappear for months. I stopped bothering and he fucked off. Not seen him for years and its the best thing that ever happened. Dd dosnt need a waste of space in her life. Same as your dd. Just stop bothering with him. Don't ask him to FaceTime. Don't text or call just leave him to it. He will likely disappear for good. Good riddens.

Have you encouraged people to write on her cast? That helped my son adjust as he got special attention.

Don't stop him from seeing her but don't work hard to facilitate it either by all means text to inform him of serious illness and injury but he's never going to be the dad he should be. Make sure you've set up child maintainence if you haven't already, having to pay towards their children often spurs them into action. Keep a record if all of your communications, screenshot messages you send him etc, I set up a specific email address and I just email him from there or email myself screen shots of messages between the two of us to that account in case we go to court, it's also worth maintaining a calendar of when he visits incase he suddenly decides to go for 50:50 or whatever.

She won't know any difference until she's in Primary school, he's not going to change and her relationship with him will be more of an Uncle she see sporadically than a 'dad'.