Am I expecting too much from my exH?

[citylover]

I keep saying that I need to get myself an independent babysitter although costly if I am to have any sort of social life, and I know some exes don't see much of their children at all and I am quite lucky in that respect

BUT

our agreement is that ex H has the DCs every other weekend and will pick them up from the childminder once a week and possibly school once a week but I accept that the school pick up isn't always possible.

I manage it though by working from home one day per week and in fact his job has more flexibility than mine but he still will not really commit to it.

He doesn't really stick to the weekend thing either and actually refused point blank to take oldest DS to football last weekend unless he got a lift (he doesn't drive) which resulted in DS going alone with another parent (!) Their weekends with ex are usually 24 hours at most, and the picking up routine is complicated by the fact he is often away on business.

He also has a new partner which I am fine about but for example I was asked whether I could stay behind for a quick drink next week on a night when he is picking up the children from cm (at 6pm) and also the night before he goes away on a business trip.

So when I mentioned this to him his first question as always is when will you be back.

Turns out that he was planning to leave at 7pm (as he has probably promised to see his partner that evening) so I am then under intense pressure to get home from the drinks, he was only planning to see them for an hour and he gets out of giving them tea which he hates doing (claims its a bit difficult to get food in).

So even if I was just coming home as usual this doesn't really help me as I still have to leave work at roughly the same time as when I was picking them up myself from CM.

Do you think on the night he picks them up from the cm he should be prepared to stay with them for more than one hour. He always moans when I say I would like to go out somewhere but he as the non resident parent has so much more freedom than me and did so when we were married.

The DCs will notice his hasty exit too - they often comment on it!!

Whatever I do or say probably won't change anything and perhaps I do just need to get them to stay longer at the childminder if I want to go out on the odd occasion.

can you not still go out to the drinks but get your ex to do the pick up and then drop them off to someone else, does anyone else babysit for you ? I think he should have them for more than an hour but on a school night bringing them back at 8pm is too late, could he not spend that hour taking them out for tea, what does he do with them for that hour ?

Thanks well he often takes them to my house as they are more at home there. He lives nearby but says his place isn't big enough for them.

He could take them back to my older DSs childminder one hour later but there seems little point in that (she and my oldest DS wold think that rather odd I think) and then I would have to get them myself at about 8/8.30 which is a bit late for a school night.

And wouldn't be able to drive as I don't like to drink anything and then drive.

It just all seems too complicated really for a simple after work drink. Ex was really sulky when I asked if he could stay for a bit more than one hour.

I need to find someone who can pick them up from the childminder and then look after them at mine on the odd occasion.

Then I wouldn't have to involve him at all. He's always been a selfish arse and this is not going to change.

Next year he is moving in with new partner and actually this might improve things as he will either have to take them to her place which is about 20 mins drive away or may not be so keen to leave after one hour, if he is living there anyway.