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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

I'm tired and worn out, miserable and lonely

22 replies

harman · 05/12/2007 12:06

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

HarkTheHassledAngelsSing · 05/12/2007 12:17

I was about to write some rubbish "Chin up, there's light at the end of the tunnel" reply and then clicked on your profile and saw a recent thread - what happened re the CAMHS thing? Did you pursue it? If not, today is the day to get it sorted - you don't have to feel this low, and there are things that can be done to help you. I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I have 4 kids as well and couldn't begin to cope on my own with them - I was on my own for a while with my older 2 and that was hard enough. I do remember how relentless and lonely it was, so I'm absolutely lost in admiration for you (and others like you). It seems to me that you're a good person who's had a very hard time, and if you need a bit of help to get through stuff then no one would ever question that. See CAMHS, or talk to a sympathetic GP.

Original poster

harman · 05/12/2007 12:28

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Kewcumber · 05/12/2007 12:34

I'm only mum to one and I have great support and it can still get lonely at times. Not sure what to suggest other than trying to find a way of making some time out for yourself.

Not very helpful but certainly sympathetic.

Kewcumber · 05/12/2007 12:35

how old are your DC's?

NotquiteChristmasyet · 05/12/2007 12:50

Couldn't ignore your post and wanted to send you some support.

Echoing what the others have said. Looking after 4 on your own will be completely exhausting. You are entitled to feel exhausted - in fact there would be something strange, if you didn't.

I also read your thread about the therapy and totally agree that it could a) be really really helpful, if/when you get a therapist you get on with and b) that there could be a waiting list and it could take a while.

Is your GP supportive? Would you consider ADs for a while, to tide you over. I have suffered from depression and can totally sympathise with what you write.

Is there any support system that you haven't explored? Local Gingerbread group? Homestart/surestart? Your local church?

And either way, once the kids are in bed, do treat yourself to some early nights. The housework will wait. Make it a priority to get yourself to bed and sleep or curl up with a good book as often as you can, whilst you feel like this. Sleep is a great renewer/healer.

OverMyDeadStuffedTurkey · 05/12/2007 12:53

Don't know what to say other than I know exactly how you feel as I'm feeling like this at the moment too, in fact, I think I'm at breaking point, like a bomb is ticking inside me and is going to go off soon.

Original poster

harman · 05/12/2007 14:37

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Kewcumber · 05/12/2007 15:21

does the house being trashed worry you. I'm lucky - never been very houseproud so its the one thing that washes over me! The bickering would get to me though. Would it helpif you find a way to reduce it - I'm sure if you started a thread specifically on that you would get planty of suggestions.

NotquiteChristmasyet · 05/12/2007 15:56

Yes, great post Kewcumber. Focusing in on one thing at a time and getting MN advice is v. sensible. And I totally agree. Bickering gets to me everytime. I long for a huge house or garden, where the kids could play and I just couldn't hear the bickering. Most of the time they can sort it out for themselves, but if I can hear it then they/I expect me to.

And do think about going to your GP too, to get you some extra help.

Janos · 05/12/2007 21:36

Harman, like the others - couldn't not respond (does that make any sense?!)

I'm on my own, only with my DS though - and that's tiring enough so I can imagine you must be exhausted.

Is there anything at all that you can get by with not doing in the evenings, to allow you to get an early night? Sometimes I'm so exhausted that I just flop into bed after doing the absolute bare minimum, and so what if the flat is a tip.

I know it gets you down thoughg.. sometimes you just yearn for some time alone and a bit of peace and quiet.

Do you get to do anything, just for you?

1066andallthat · 05/12/2007 22:01

Do you have anything special to look forward to? I have a list of things I'd like to do, if I ever have the money, and even composing it makes me feel better. Some of those involve the DC and some don't . I also keep "a happy book" - notes of those small things that make life good. Then, the odd glass of wine also helps.

Being responsible for four DC must be overwhelming. Don't underestimate what you are doing. I only have the two and there are days when I long to really share the load.

I'd second/third/fourth the idea of posting for advice on how to sort the bickering. Take care. I don't do hugs, so how about a glass of delicious red?

Original poster

harman · 06/12/2007 09:42

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HarmansOtherSanta · 06/12/2007 09:56

Everyone has a night like that sometimes, but even though you feel mortified it is quite likely that everyone else was drunk and it wasn't as bad as you think, and even if it was, it will blow over!

Nothing makes me want to blow my top more than when the dc's are fighting/arguing and only two of mine are at that age. To have four going on must be a great strain especially if you dont have a space to shut yourself away.

Could you maybe have a big burst after dinner, get the older ones to help tidy up, make it just how you like it so when they are in bed you can have that time to breathe, watch crap tv, have a bath or whatever but really make that your time. Sometimes I send my 10 year old to bed at seven, he can read, play a cd, do his fimo or whatever but I need that time and I never iron then. Mind you, I never iron but that's beside the point.

Sorry things are hard. Sounds like you do fantastically well but every so often you need to step back and take care of yourself a bit more. Hope you feel better soon.

HarmansOtherSanta · 06/12/2007 09:58

Oh shit - still hadn't changed my name back and saw your thread in active convos. Um, hello! .

Kewcumber · 06/12/2007 10:09

I think the early night thing would help a lot if you can do it consistently. I used to be a really late nighter but I'm such a wreck now that I go to bed and read a book or watch TV, put the TV on "sleep " and end up asleep by 10.30!

Don't worry about making a fool of yourself - showing yourself to be human isn;t the worst sin in the world.

Kewcumber · 06/12/2007 10:10

can you incentivise your older DC's to tidy up in exchange for pocket money?

Original poster

harman · 06/12/2007 10:17

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Kewcumber · 06/12/2007 10:18

get thee back to the pasta jar, woman!

Kewcumber · 06/12/2007 10:20

you see you actually know what the answer is you're a bit tired and depressed and can;t be arsed with it all. (KNow the feeling). get some sleep, go out for some long walks (exercise is fab when you're a bit down) and start back on teh pasta jar when the kids get back.

Could you make it Xmas themed?

1066andallthat · 06/12/2007 10:40

Can you link the pasta-jar to the bickering? Get them to sort it out or think up ways to prevent it happening?

Yes, feeling an idiot the day after is a downer. But look at the whole evening - did you have a good time? Did you enjoy looking forward to it? Was it lovely getting ready? So, overall, was it good?

I think we all feel this way and being on your own, heightens it because you can't escape for long. Hiding under the duvet, in the bath isn't really an option. Ahh, for a lie-in and a bath on my own .

Original poster

harman · 06/12/2007 14:24

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1066andallthat · 06/12/2007 21:14

Just posted on your other thread (the text) and having read it, I think a lot of how you are feeling is the hangover from the other night - the nerves, the drink, the what-ifs -plus the fact you could do with a real break.

I also use the word "relentless" a lot about my life and I love my boys and 90% of what is happening right now. But, a regular break, no financial worries, someone i.e. another adult just mucking in every day would transform my world.

Really got my fingers crossed something special comes out of your text - I can live vicariously .

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