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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Son asking to visit dads area

12 replies

PoolNooodle · 19/09/2021 00:06

My son is obsessed with all things to do with trains, tubes the underground etc, we live in London but we don’t live near a part with an underground so we don’t go on them often recently my son has been asking to go on the underground but he’s been asking to go to his dads area on the tube 🤔 we don’t have any contact with his father (his choice) and he hasn’t been to his house but knows the area he lives in, does it sound like he is hoping to bump into him or am I just over thinking it? I’m not really sure I’m comfortable with it as knowing my luck we probably will. Has anyone dealt with this before?

OP posts:

BananaPB · 19/09/2021 00:12

That's so sad and I'd be wondering the same.

Can you go at a time when your ex is likely to be working ? Is your son old enough that he's reading ? If not you could take him somewhere different and say it's where his dad lives?

HeyDuddy · 19/09/2021 00:16

I would see if I could open up the conversation to find out if he is feeling curious about his dad. Reassure him that’s ok and you aren’t upset if he is. It sounds like he has some feelings it would be useful to discuss. It probably isn’t a coincidence that he wants to go to that area.

Original poster

PoolNooodle · 19/09/2021 00:17

He’s basically been asking to visit that station and all local stations surrounding it 😕 I’ve asked him what he wants to go there for but he said he just wants to see what it’s like there

OP posts:

Starlightstarbright1 · 19/09/2021 08:11

I think you need to ask the question directly.

How old is ds? Over lockdown i discovered my ds thought he didn't ser his dad because me and his dad don't get on. I had to explain a lot including how he had threatened to kill my son.. things i had protected him from.

Sometimes there is something going on that hasn't occured to him

BananaPB · 19/09/2021 11:14

The actual station or the streets around it ? Google Street View would show the streets but I think that you need to ask him if this is about his Dad because kids can imagine scenarios worse than reality 😢

LubaLuca · 19/09/2021 11:23

Is your son too young to find his dad through social media etc? If so, I would assume this is a romantic dream he has of bumping into his dad. Perhaps he thinks you don't want him to know his dad, so if a reunion is a coincidence you won't be so upset with him. I'm probably miles off the mark here, but I've been that kid who was frightened to say I was interested in my dad.

liveforsummer · 19/09/2021 11:49

Sounds like he's getting curious about his dad and perhaps seeing the area he lives is the first step in his minds he might want to take it further but maybe that will be enough. Just keep encouraging open discussions

Original poster

PoolNooodle · 19/09/2021 13:05

He is aware that it’s his dad who doesn’t bother with him not the other way round, definitely too young to find him on social media, he is 9 and doesn’t have any social media and wouldn’t know how to use it. just the station he’s wanting to visit, he doesn’t know the actual street but I just thought it was odd out of all the places he was asking to visit it happened to be that exact station, I suggested going to Marble Arch, Hyde park etc the usual places in London but he was being very specific about the stations he wanted to visit and they were basically his local station and the one before and after it.

OP posts:

BananaPB · 19/09/2021 14:10

I would take him but be prepared for him to need some sort of chat about his Dad later. Does his dad take the tube to work ? It sounds like his dad could be on his mind and he wants to fill his daydreams with some concrete detail.

Elieza · 19/09/2021 14:44

He’s not worried about anything is he?

ie planning on running away and needs guidance on how to use the tube. Perhaps he thinks if he gets to x town he will meet his dad in the street randomly and he’ll have to take him in as he’s run away from home…?

Original poster

PoolNooodle · 19/09/2021 15:02

No I don’t think so, he is only 9 he doesn’t even go out alone so can’t imagine him running away he wouldn’t even know how to cross the street alone (he is under assessment for asd) even when his dad was seeing him he never took him to his house so he has never been so I think he probably knows he couldn’t move in with him. I honestly think if his dad did see him he wouldn’t be interested in taking him in

OP posts:

BananaPB · 19/09/2021 17:39

Your posts are just so heartbreaking 😢

I would take him to the station so he can tick it off his list and see it a real but very typical station so his train curiousity is satisfied.

Even if he were NT, I think it's hard for 9 year olds to express their mixed feelings about anything and seeing the station might bring him comfort.

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