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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

having a GA as a single parent

14 replies

yummytummy · 16/09/2021 21:17

hi am just in a stressful situation not sure what to do or if anyone has ever coped with similar?

so have been having some gynae issues and will most likely have to go in for an op in next few weeks. i will need a general anaesthetic and it says an adult has to be with me for 24-36 hours after.

it is not so much the kids as they will be with their dad but even then i have no idea how they will get to school etc as he refuses to help at all with any school runs when i am working

and then there really isn't anyone who could stay with me. i don't have a partner or any family and friends have their own kids who they couldn't leave overnight.

i just don't know what to do and it is making me so anxious and like i should delay or cancel the op but i can't really as been waiting so long for it

and just the thing of having to do everything for kids but there will be no one to look after me. it is really getting me down and highlights the shitness of my situation.

any help or advice appreciated. thanks

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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blublub · 16/09/2021 21:42

Kinda facing this with gallbladder and have turned down op. I don’t have any one to have the kids though, so just can’t. If I were you I would have op and buy loads of ready made meals and stick in freezer and juices ready. Is there a local volunteer centre? They have drivers for the elderly, usually, for hospital trips. You pay for it (Petrol usually) but they could pick you up? I’m sure they would help if you explained. Good luck!

LindaLooky · 16/09/2021 21:49

It's good that the kids will be with their dad. if he doesnt take them to school then he'll have to look after them at home wont he?

If you tell the hospital that you have nobody at home, would they keep you in for the 36 hours?

I know how crappy things like this are. I'm a single parent too. The ex isnt on the scene so I have zero help. My work do stuff like book overnight conferences for me and I have to go through a big stressy debate about how impossible it is. People just cant conceive that I have absolutely no alternatives and think I'm being awkward.

DieDeutschLehrerin · 16/09/2021 21:51

I'm just wondering whether it might mean they will ask you to stay in overnight? It might be worth giving the ward a ring or the consultant and explaining your circumstances and they may be willing to let you stay and be observed and then discharged the following day. It's not ideal I know but it might solve your problem.
If not I wondered if you might try ringing an advice line, like the Gingerbread one. They will have come across this before and might be able to give you some pointers. Hope all goes well.

Original poster

yummytummy · 16/09/2021 21:57

oh wow thanks everyone for replying so helpful and makes me feel so less alone. it is true people really really don't get it and it's always like "oh but don't you have anyone no friends no family?" and you are going no and then they look at you as if you have 2 heads. aaargh!

i never thought that they could keep me in might be an option then as i know kids with dad.

so nice to hear from people who know what it is like no one else gets it and i have no support which most of the time is fine u just get on with it but this has thrown me

thankyou

OP posts:

gogohm · 16/09/2021 21:58

Depending on where you live, is a covid response volunteer group still running? Perhaps someone would volunteer to pick you up and stay overnight with you? I certainly would if you were local to me, it's not a huge task if there's no care, you could offer to pay for takeaway and buy a small gift to say thank you

Youcancallmeval · 16/09/2021 21:59

How old are your children? And what is the reason for needing adult company for 36 hours after?
I'm really not trying to do competitive lack of support, but I'm a single parent and had a hysterectomy 4 weeks ago. I had the op on the afternoon, was discharged the following morning, got a taxi home and (very slowly) got on with things.

Original poster

yummytummy · 16/09/2021 22:02

Youcancallmeval the 36 hours is what it says in the paperwork and they don't discharge you unless they know someone at home. i don't have an issue being alone but the hospital is strict on the rules from what i have heard. it is reassuring that you have managed. i hope you are feeling better

OP posts:

Youcancallmeval · 16/09/2021 22:11

I am, thank you
I was surprised I would be released to no support to be honest, but they couldn't get rid of me fast enough!
In terms of making life easier, I have turned a blind eye to housework. I stocked the freezer with a gazillion microwavable things so didn't have to lift, bend much or do much cooking. I stocked up on toiletries and large items so even though I got food deliveries, nothing was too heavy to carry through to the kitchen and put away.
It's so stressful having to think it all through when you are alone. If you need the op, get it done - if they need you to have an adult at home for 36 hours but can't, they will have to keep you an extra night. If your ex is being a knob, it's a couple of days and you will just have to try not to worry about that. Your health in the long run is the most important thing and for the sake of a day/week/couple of weeks of disruption, you need to look after yourself and get it sorted

Original poster

yummytummy · 16/09/2021 22:29

i am glad you feel better! it is surprising they seemed to want to release you quickly! but sounds like you were really organised. the idea of preparing food from before is definitely good. thankyou for your kind words it really helps.

OP posts:

StillWeRise · 16/09/2021 22:40

I hope you get sorted OP
I just wanted to say, when you say people look at you like you have 2 heads...it's not that you have no friends, it's that your friends themselves aren't in a position to help you. It's really not that unusual to have no local family and friends who all have their own small children, the hospital shouldn't be that surprised. Tell the school DC are with their father and give them his phone number, make sure they know if kids are late etc they phone him!

unicornsarereal72 · 17/09/2021 11:32

I had this yesterday. I had a minor procedure. It was I. School hours so had a friend pick me up who told them she was staying with me.

She wasn't but I'm eldest is 15 so able to help me if needed and kids are independent.

No one is checking up once you have walked out the door.

BrilliantBetty · 17/09/2021 11:35

They'll keep you in if need be.

liveforsummer · 17/09/2021 11:37

If dc don't go to school for a couple of days it's not the end of the world. I'm sure he'll manage to get them there when the alternative is him having to care for them all day though. Let the hospital know you have no one to stay with you. They will wither relax their rules or keep you in til
you can leave alone.

OhamIreally · 02/10/2021 07:01

How did you get on OP?

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