whats the difference exactly, between sole custody and shared parenting

[Shout]

We are trying to come to agreements and the plan was to have joint custody of the children although they will mainly live with me.My exH job means he will live 200 miles away and will also involve overseas travel.

My lawyer said that in order to have shared parenting you have to set specific days and times when they will be with the father. what is the minimum to still have joint responsibility?
What would sole custody mean for my ex husband.

Shout

Me & my ex both have parental responsibilty, in theory it means he has the dc alternate weekends, Fri-Sun, he is supposed to have them for 2 weeks during the summer hols and 1 week 1/2 term holiday. The reality is he tends to have them alternate weekends but he cancels if he's got something better on, he's dropped the 1/2 term holiday and during the summer hols if he can get away with having the for 10 days instead of a complete 2 weeks he does. At Christmas the dc alternate, they are at home with me this year.

Dh is an "absent parent" (horrible term). The way we look at it is that dh is still responsible for his dd regardless of how often he sees her, or the fact that she lives with her mum.

You and your xh can work out whatever arrangements you want, and can call it whatever you want. It's only if you have a dispute that cannot be resolved that solicitors and courts need be involved.

Dh had to go down that route sadly, and dsd comes to us every other weekend, half of the school holidays and alternate Christmases. Her mum is called the "parent with care" but dh has parental responsibility as well (as he and his x weren't married), and all major decisions about religion, schools, health should be made by both of them. I think your dh would automatically get it.

But like I already said, dh just sees himself as jointly responsible for dsd's welfare and upbringing as he is her Dad.

They don't call it custody anymore-there are now residence orders (ie with whom the child lives) and contact orders (ie when they see the other parent) I think what you are talking about is a shared residence order-ie one that specifies that the child lives with you for such and such atime and with their father for the remainder.

Shared residence is popular at the minute as it tends to allow parents to feel they are on an even footing.

Whether it is residence or contact parental responsibilites remain the same.

hth

Thanks all for the messages, I guess I am getting my self a little muddled.

To clarify, if we went with shared residence we could make up our own rules between us, even if they differ month to month and this would be something we just decide amongst ourselves and don't need and legal documents stating it? .

you don't have to have legal documents whatever you go with, the courts only have to be involved if you and xh cannot agree

If you can work out arrangements that suit both of you-stay well clear of Court-you clearly don't need it.