When to introduce new partner to DDs?

9 replies

listmaker · 10/11/2004 13:15

I'm after some advice from you wise mumsnetters! I have been seeing someone for a few weeks and I think it could be quite serious and have a future. How long is a 'decent' time to wait before introducing him to my two dds (aged 6 and 4)? I introduced them to one bf a few years ago but he was never a serious proposition and they were younger. I've been single for 2 years partly because I didn't want them having a succession of 'mummy's friends' coming through the house.

They know about him and are up for meeting him but I want to be sure it's going to last. They have no contact with their real father and so are a bit eager to get a 'new daddy' which is a bit worrying! But really if the new bf and I are going to progress we have to get more involved in each other's lives and to do that means involving my dds (and his who are a bit older).

What have you done? Any stories to tell?

OP posts:

Amai · 10/11/2004 17:21

I find it strange no one is replying to this.Hope you get some answers soon though. I have no experience as my DP was by my side throughout most of my pregnancy even though DD wasnt his. I am sure your own judgement applies (not dismissing the value of hearing other mnetter stories!).

beachyhead · 10/11/2004 18:01

Bump this up for you although no experience. It is so hard to tell if things will last, especially after a few weeks.

Good Luck and I'm sure some others out there will know more.

Tinker · 10/11/2004 19:23

Hi lostmaler . Think there have been quite a few threads on this isn the past.

Was in a similar position to you. Think it would be best to introduce kids to new boyfriend a) when you think it's got a future (which you do) and b) as a day out kind of thing, not "Here's my new boyfriend girls". I never actaully got to stage a) or b) since my daughter sneaked down one morning when we were saying "Goodbye" and spyed on us from the dining room.

Tinker · 10/11/2004 19:25

listmaker! What was I thinking?

zubb · 10/11/2004 19:33

as Tinker says when you think it has a future, and feel comfortable with it all then do it casually and don't make it a big deal. I remember meeting my step-dad the first time, he just came round to pick my Mum up to go out somewhere, so was only there for a few minutes at first. It was probably just sold to us as 'a friend' coming round, but I don't think they'd been seeing each other long, just knew that it was going somewhere. Luckily both me and my sister took to him straight away and were happily sitting chatting to him (aged 5 and 7). As their relationship progressed he'd come round more and more so that we got used to him being there.

Original poster

listmaker · 11/11/2004 11:52

Thanks for your help ladies! I think I am pretty certain it has a future so will go ahead with planning some kind of meeting! My 6 yr old dd is very aware of these things and knows I have a bf and thinks it's all very exciting! The younger one is completely oblivious to all things romantic!

He has 3 dds a bit older than mine so it might be good to all meet up together so the kids can all get on and we'll get ignored in the excitement! Might get him to invite us all to Sunday lunch - he's a great cook!

OP posts:

tammybear · 11/11/2004 12:29

hi listmaker, just wanted to say good luck! my dp has been around since dd was 8 months old, so cant really suggest anything, but i do think your idea is a good one! xxx

aloha · 11/11/2004 12:45

I'm a stepmother and I met my stepdaughter very early on as we know it was a serious relationship from day 1. We went for a picnic in the park, and then I went out for the evening alone. It went really well. Shit hit fan when dh's ex found out...but that's another story
Anyway, stepdaughter and I get on famously, we are a happy family and, yes, she did have some moments of jealousy - after all she'd had her dad to herself for four years, two of those with dad as pretty much f/t single parent and didn't like it that I saw more of him than she did, but that won't be the same situation for you. I think as long as it is kept casual and happy, that's what matters.

otto · 12/11/2004 14:21

I too am a stepmum and met my stepdaughter early on - possibly even third date. She was only four at the time, so not really aware of what was going on. DP brought her round to my house and I cooked dinner. It was very informal and relaxed. I think that's the key. Keep it simple and it will be fine. Dinner sounds good and kids can get on and sort themselves out.

Good luck

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