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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

I'm at a lost cause

14 replies

Tasha1607 · 13/09/2021 11:20

My baby is nearly 5 months old. And I feel so lonely. His other mother is here in person but she never does anything. She doesn't help with anything finances, house work, medical appointments. I feel like I'm juggling life as well as trying to be the best for my new son. He's very needy and doesn't like to be put down so trying to do housework I do in the middle of the few minutes I get when he's occupied. As well he is teething so just wants attention all the time. Not that I'm complaining it's a pleasure to be occupying him. But then nothing gets done. The housework washing washing up. It's left to me sort my son out as well as the house. I want to leave her. But I don't know where to start. I'll be starting at the bottom again. And this isn't what I wanted for my son. I grew up with a broken home. And it was the one thing I asked for from her for us to work as a team and not bring up my son in a broken home. And she doesn't help at all. I'm doing it alone and feel like it's better that i be alone now. For my sons sake to reduce the stress.

Can anyone help and pass on any helpful advice

OP posts:
10ColaBottles · 13/09/2021 11:32

Are you separated yet or not?

Tasha1607 · 13/09/2021 11:34

@10ColaBottles not yet.
I had a conversation with her 2 months ago and said things need to change otherwise I'm walking. It's lasted 2 weeks and back to square one.

OP posts:
10ColaBottles · 13/09/2021 14:40

It sound like you are stuck. You've given an ultimatum and it's not worked.

I think you know what you need to do now. It will give you control again- it feels like that's lacking as it stands because you are waiting for her to play ball.

Sounds like you are doing it all anyway.

Tasha1607 · 13/09/2021 14:55

@10ColaBottles I just don't know where to start with moving on. Do I wait till we've at least had our first Xmas together as a family? Or do I take that away from my child? I'm so unhappy. I feel numb. She doesn't even notice it.

OP posts:
10ColaBottles · 13/09/2021 16:54

I get the first Xmas is important to you but the baby won't really know what's going on or care particularly.

I'm not saying leaving is the answer but you need to follow up on your ultimatum somehow. Or she will never take you seriously.

If rship really is dead then the sooner a line is drawn the better.

Fwiw i 'held on' to marriage to get over Xmas years ago. It was a wasn't much fun hanging on for the kids- we split very very soon after. My kids were older though so knew what was going on with Christmas etc.

Tasha1607 · 14/09/2021 08:45

@10ColaBottles I know. For me I've been fighting for the last 8 years for this relationship and I've been the only one that has made sacrifices and compromises. I can't do it anymore now that I have my son.

She says she loves me, but I don't she knows what love is. I don't think she loves me. You don't do this to the one you love, do you? I think she has just settled for the easy life.

I think more so I just feel guilty for my son. Bringing him in to this world into a broken relationship that was never going to work out.

OP posts:
Tasha1607 · 14/09/2021 08:47

@10ColaBottles I've been isolated to the point I have no one to turn to. Hence why I have resorted to here.

I talk to her about this and she says it's all made up in my head. I need to make sure I'm not going crazy. But have no one to talk to about this.

OP posts:
ThePotatoCroquette · 14/09/2021 08:54

Leave before the first Christmas. Leave as soon as you can. And then you can start to make some family traditions just you and baby or with people who actually give a shit and are likely to be there at their second, third, etc. Christmasses.

10ColaBottles · 15/09/2021 14:01

I@Tasha1607

How's things today ?

10ColaBottles · 15/09/2021 14:01

@Tasha1607

Sorry screwed up the tagging

Tasha1607 · 18/09/2021 08:34

@10ColaBottles I'm doing ok. Sorry been a mental couple of days. I told her I wanted to leave and I was done. She said that she is trying to change and work at this relationship. Her actions are speaking volumes. But I've said it needs to last not weeks but forever. I've said that this is the LAST chance I'm giving her. For our son more than anyone.

Thank you for your advice it gave me the strength to stand up for myself

OP posts:
10ColaBottles · 19/09/2021 19:54

@Tasha1607

Good for you standing up for yourself.

Fingers crossed she sorts herself out.

Good luck and take care

PeoniesGinandBags · 22/09/2021 15:05

Have you tried suggesting couple's counselling? A friend of mine felt the same way when we spoke a few weeks ago and then after catching up with her last week she said that her partner hadn't seemed to realise how bad things had got/what was happening in the relationship until they'd had this first session.

Sending love. Having a baby is the best and hardest thing xx

Igmum · 22/09/2021 15:08

Sending love. Hope it works out but, if it doesn't, hope you walk. You are worth more than this Thanks

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