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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Literally doing it alone

7 replies

asinglemum · 11/09/2021 15:55

Just wondering if anyone else is in the same situation, I can't be the only one. Would be nice to have someone to talk to.

I'm a single mum and I'm doing it all on my own. My children don't have any involvement with paternal side and I don't have any family myself, so childcare is all on me, I don't get the odd nights off (which I don't mind) but what does bother me is the fact I have literally no one to talk to about things, parenting, the kids...you know having to talk to and agree on how is best to do things for example. I don't know anyone personally who can relate as the few single parents I know have a lot help from parents and in some cases siblings and/or have joint custody with the other parent. My health isn't great and this just makes me even more stressed out, if anything were to happen to me my children would have no one to stay with (this actually happened a few years ago and they had to go into emergency care for a few nights where they weren't treated very nicely and they still bring it up now). I have a couple of people I'm friendly with and would for example go out with for an activity with the children but not people I'm close enough to ask to look after both children, certainly not overnight even In An emergency.

Is anyone else literally doing it all alone with no help?

OP posts:
PumpkinKlNG · 12/09/2021 00:12

Yep, 4 kids, “father” not involved at all so never get any time off at all, I have family but they would never look after my children, maybe in an absolute emergency like if I was taken to hospital but not for me to have a break. I struggle to relate to other single parents as it’s completely different doing it totally alone. My daughter has asd so it’s really hard never getting a single break.

Uselesslypointless · 12/09/2021 21:39

Same here. Three children under 9, no contact with father and no family or friends to help. The children's father hounds me through court still though residency was settled 18 months ago on basis of his physical and emotional and abuse of them and me.

It is lonely, tough and I often feel that no other parents around me really get how gruelling it is.

No one to talk to who can relate. No one to step in when youre ill or at wits end. No one to share the funny moments with or the celebrations, pride in their achievements, worries for them. It is devastating to have gone so quickly from a solid happy family to a broken one. I still don't understand.

anthurium · 13/09/2021 10:05

I'm a solo mother by choice - currently 26 weeks via IVF using sperm donor - I know I'm in a different position as there is no 'father' per se involved at any stage, but I will also be doing this alone: an elderly mother who isn't in a position to babysit/help out plus she lives in a different town to me so also won't be available for emergencies. A sister who lives abroad always available for a chat/support on the phone but no practical help. I simply couldn't 'wait' any longer /date to find a suitable partner, and as we all know, there is no guarantee that the relationship will work out in the long-run anyway. I do wish I'd started this solo journey earlier (not aged 39 and maybe would have also avoided needing IVF but rather IUI as it's cheaper - no help available on the NHS either way when you're a single female in England!) maybe my mum would have been more available. And I wish I had more family around in general.

I have no idea how it'll all be when the baby arrives, and just getting in to the swing of things. I really admire all of you, and in particular the difficult battles you may have to fight with the ex partner's and navigating co-parenting/child access.

butterflyfox · 13/09/2021 22:17

Yes. Another single mother by choice here. many It can be challenging I do understand. But not tough as some of the awful partners I read about on here! What age are your kids OP? Are they still little so you create your support network through their friendships?

clpsmum · 17/09/2021 13:08

Same here I have 3dc one of which is disabled which makes finding a babysitter impossible therefore I am all Lone. No involvement from their dad or his family and my family are 400 miles away. Feel free to ok me for number or what's app whatever I'm happy for another friend in the same boat. Xx

Starlightstarbright1 · 19/09/2021 08:20

I have done it on my own essetially.

My ex wasn't allowed my ds unsupervised from 6 weeks. Used to have 2 hours a fortnight contact which he infrequently attended.

Cubs / scouts was my lifeline. I also found parent toddler groups was where i made friends.
I have a really good friend we met on the park after school.

My ds is a teenager so can stay home for the evening now . I have joined the gym and starting to find me again.

I also was in a gingerbread group whch was great when my son was little it was people in similar position.

Cabinfever10 · 23/09/2021 23:40

Same here only I'm a widow so dad can't help and am NC with my family due to abuse and ds has ASD and other co-morbidities.
I'm not going to lie and say it's easy but it dose get easier. As they get older and get some independence and you learn to trust yourself more (we all make mistakes) things won't seem so bad. That said I do suggest finding a healthy way to destress as the teenage years (especially with girls) can leave you with steam coming out of your ears i know my dd did. dd is in her last year of uni now and is an amazing young woman who makes me proud every day

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