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Other parent seeing child

6 replies

Kpod87 · 10/09/2021 17:48

Hi All,
After some opinions. My child (11yo) has recently just started seeing her dad again after 18months if not seeing him due to a deterioration in his mental health. He’s been phone/vid contact with her most of the time but this has been inconsistent. There’s not really been any effort or consistency for those 18 months. He’s been seeing her for 4/5 hours one day a week during last few weeks of summer holidays. I’ve been dropping her off and picking her up (45 mins journey each trip, so 4 times as I get public transport) as he says his anxiety is too high to come out of his local area.
Now my daughter has gone to high school and I don’t know how I’m going to manage it. As every other weekend we have my OH daughter and we like to do things as a family and on the other weekend my mum has my daughter one night to give us some alone time (which I REALLY REALLY value for myself and my relationship, and my mum has been my ONLY support network).
My daughter is very ambivalent about seeing her Dad so she’s not asking to see him etc. I’ve explained all this to my daughters dad and suggested maybe playing it by ear, that it can’t be every week (due to cost to travel, family time, having some alone time, the amount of time in mine and my daughters day to get there and back etc). He’s being really unreasonable about it. Am I in the wrong? Any suggestions?
(I’ve really simplified this but this the general gist 😆)
Thanks in advance!

OP posts:
unicornsarereal72 · 10/09/2021 20:33

So what are her fathers suggestions? Is there someone else who could facilitate him seeing dd? Other family members from his side?

GettingItOutThere · 10/09/2021 21:55

what is he suggesting?

I would stop doing every journey too, he will be expecting you to do this permanently and turn it around on you

Kpod87 · 12/09/2021 20:31

No, no family members close by. He’s not given any suggestions to alternatives. It’s a ‘if you can’t bring her then I can’t see her, and she’ll think I don’t want to see her’ response. Which makes me feel like I’m keeping her away from him. Which I’m not. I just practically, financially can’t keep it up. It’s a no win situation. Either I keep doing it or my kid doesn’t see their dad!

OP posts:
unicornsarereal72 · 12/09/2021 21:06

It is not your responsibility to facilitate his contact. You are obliged to make her available. But we are good parents and want our children. To have relationship with the nrp. And feel the guilt.

Could you shift the contact to school holidays? This is what I had growing up and worked ok for us.

Daydrambeliever · 12/09/2021 21:17

Does he ever leave his home or travel?

HalzTangz · 12/09/2021 22:02

@Kpod87

No, no family members close by. He’s not given any suggestions to alternatives. It’s a ‘if you can’t bring her then I can’t see her, and she’ll think I don’t want to see her’ response. Which makes me feel like I’m keeping her away from him. Which I’m not. I just practically, financially can’t keep it up. It’s a no win situation. Either I keep doing it or my kid doesn’t see their dad!
I think you should encourage contact still..could he pay for the bus fares? I don't see why she can't see her dad during the day that she sleeps at your mum's. So visit with dad, sleep over at nans
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