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Help with serving military ex partner

15 replies

marvmaise · 09/09/2021 11:24

my ex partner is in the army, we have a 3month old son together and recently split. He was just very narcissistic and emotionally abusive and put me through a lot through the 4 years and I finally decided I'd had enough. Now I've moved back in with my parents with baby and I want to get rid of the house we have as it's mine and I pay all the bills- which it's un occupied completely no point paying for so I could be saving a lot of money every month I'm not planning to go back. And start fresh in a new home closer to my family as this one was miles and miles away. One he won't remove his stuff out of my house all of the furniture he was given by a family member so I get that's his to do what he pleases with. He says he doesn't have the money ect. He's terrible with money spends it on the most stupidest stuff including my money when we couldn't afford it (half reason we split). And two he's ignoring me about child maintenance payments, I've tried to contact him to come up with an agreement but no luck. I really just want his stuff gone he was living there rent free when he was home from the army even though he earns double my wage. I feel bad but I really want to give up the house and I just don't know what to do!

OP posts:
unicornsarereal72 · 09/09/2021 15:30

Just send him an email saying the property will cease being in Your name from x date. Anything left will be disposed of after that date. Then do not engage with him about it further

Money CMS. And do not engage with him further on that subject either. Don't let him control this over you.

He may kick off and stamp his feet. But all that is is hot air and a tantrum. Ignore it like you would a toddler.

Rinse and repeat.

Good luck.

Notapheasantplucker · 09/09/2021 15:34

Yep, literally everything @unicornsarereal72 has just said. Give him a formal warning that if he doesn't collect his stuff by such a date, then it'll be disposed of.
Child maintenance, contact CMS.

Polyethyl · 09/09/2021 15:41

Contact his regiment.
They can be very helpful at telling soldiers to behave. And also for arranging CM to come from his salary.

Maggiesgirl · 09/09/2021 15:41

Write to the welfare at the camp he is stationed at.

They will get it sorted.

marvmaise · 11/09/2021 21:20

@unicornsarereal72

Just send him an email saying the property will cease being in Your name from x date. Anything left will be disposed of after that date. Then do not engage with him about it further

Money CMS. And do not engage with him further on that subject either. Don't let him control this over you.

He may kick off and stamp his feet. But all that is is hot air and a tantrum. Ignore it like you would a toddler.

Rinse and repeat.

Good luck.

Yeah so I tried this and he threatened to take me to court because it's his nans property that she gave to us instead of charity shop! So now I'm too scared to move anything out by myself
OP posts:
marvmaise · 11/09/2021 21:21

@Notapheasantplucker

Yep, literally everything *@unicornsarereal72* has just said. Give him a formal warning that if he doesn't collect his stuff by such a date, then it'll be disposed of. Child maintenance, contact CMS.
Well after being told I'm a bad person for leaving him with no home money ect he threatened to take me to court if I touched his stuff so I'm very unsure what to do right now! Literally cried for three hours after the phone call I had with him
OP posts:
marvmaise · 11/09/2021 21:23

@marvmaise

my ex partner is in the army, we have a 3month old son together and recently split. He was just very narcissistic and emotionally abusive and put me through a lot through the 4 years and I finally decided I'd had enough. Now I've moved back in with my parents with baby and I want to get rid of the house we have as it's mine and I pay all the bills- which it's un occupied completely no point paying for so I could be saving a lot of money every month I'm not planning to go back. And start fresh in a new home closer to my family as this one was miles and miles away. One he won't remove his stuff out of my house all of the furniture he was given by a family member so I get that's his to do what he pleases with. He says he doesn't have the money ect. He's terrible with money spends it on the most stupidest stuff including my money when we couldn't afford it (half reason we split). And two he's ignoring me about child maintenance payments, I've tried to contact him to come up with an agreement but no luck. I really just want his stuff gone he was living there rent free when he was home from the army even though he earns double my wage. I feel bad but I really want to give up the house and I just don't know what to do!
He also told me it was disrespectful that I tried to arrange child maintenance with him so shortly after we split up too
OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 11/09/2021 21:23

But legally you can give notice for him to remove it as long as its reasonable notice so saying you have 3 hours to get your shit or its gone is Unreasonable saying 3 weeks would be reasonable he can take you to court all he wants you just show up and state I gave him xyz dates to remove it and he refused

Theunamedcat · 11/09/2021 21:24

Put it in writing too so he cannot duck out of it

marvmaise · 11/09/2021 21:26

@Theunamedcat

But legally you can give notice for him to remove it as long as its reasonable notice so saying you have 3 hours to get your shit or its gone is Unreasonable saying 3 weeks would be reasonable he can take you to court all he wants you just show up and state I gave him xyz dates to remove it and he refused
I've been contacting him for four days telling him I wanted to give up the house at least by jan 2022, he only just got back to me and threatened me with court and still refused to move anything after that date because of his financial situation which I told him I understood, but some how turned the tables to say I was completely disrespectful for doing all of this and everything was my fault.
OP posts:
unicornsarereal72 · 11/09/2021 21:26

Dry your tears this is part of his manipulation. You are perfectly within your rights. He is free to take over the lease if he likes.

I still can be taken right back to being in my ex's control. He would shout and swear to control me. To stop me pushing my own boundaries. Or challenging him. To keep me in my place. Now I do not engage. But he still try's.

The more he has the tantrum is because he knows you are becoming your own person and he is loosing control of you.

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 11/09/2021 21:28

Shove his stuff in a taxi... Send it his way. Including the fare..
And ring Cms.
Or email his barracks.

unicornsarereal72 · 11/09/2021 21:29

Don't to afraid of him. I know how hard that is. Court won't give two shits and cost him money. The lease is up as of x date. Then the property is no longer available. His problem then. Be sure to have a text or email giving him this Information. If you are worried ask around for some free legal advice. Or call shelter.

It is all hot air and a tantrum.

Lonecatwithkitten · 12/09/2021 08:30

I had similar issues with exH my solicitors advice was:

  1. Stuff give at least 1 months notice in writing advising when it has to be removed. If he has made no contact by this time the you can dispose.
  2. Maintenance ask politely once then go to CMS.

Allowing yourself to be messed around is part of the control. He will be angry as he knows he is losing. Whenever you stand up to a narcissist it is unpleasant, but it's like a ripping off a plaster best done quickly.

Moonface123 · 12/09/2021 08:49

I agree you need to tell his regiment, they will not tolerate this behaviour.
He sounds like a bully, you are well rid of him.

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