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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Why do I feel like this?

11 replies

Banksy20 · 08/09/2021 21:46

Posting here as not really sure where else to post...bit of a back story. I was with my ex for almost six years - we travelled, went to gigs, lived a great life really. Although there were problems but I suppose at the time I was blinded by love. We planned our daughter and were overjoyed when I got pregnant. However, when I was 7 months pregnant he said he didn't think he loved me anymore. We remained close and he came to the baby shower and birth and was very hands on at first. We got back together when she was a few weeks old but he became distant and when she was four months old he ended it. Days later I discovered he had met someone new. There relationship moved really quickly and they were living together within weeks (with her daughter). They got engaged last September (after 8 months) but then split in February. He was threatening suicide and turned to me and my mum at the time. However, within weeks they were back together and had planned their wedding. They get married on Sat and it has thrown up so many different emotions for me. I know we wouldn't have lasted long-term and up until now I did feel like I had moved on and was over it but I just feel so weird about it all. We co-parent quite well despite what happened. He usually has our daughter for 24 hours each weekend but will ask to have her more when he can. He has her for three days this weekend for the wedding and it's the longest she has ever been away from me. She's just turned 2 and is still bf. I've got plans on Saturday to go to a festival with a friend but I have been hit by an overwhelming feeling of sadness tonight - I'm not sure whether it's the thought of being away from my daughter for so long or the fact they're getting married. His new partner has been nothing but vile to be since day 1 and my daughter is staying with her the eve of the wedding despite me raising objections to this (she doesn't settle well and I'm worried how his new partner will deal with this the night before her wedding). She's then staying with his mum the night of the wedding - again something completely new for her as she has never stayed with her before. I don't know why I feel like this. I've not moved on and met anyone else as I just haven't felt ready - nor do I have the time as between working full-time and having my daughter there is very little free time. I moved back in with my parents to save for a house and I just feel a bit stuck while he seems happy and has moved on with his life. Any advice?

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 08/09/2021 21:50

Is your daughter staying with the new partner only? Your ex won't be there? What is going to happen about her vetting fed? I don't think I would be happy about this. Could you not take her, drop her off and pick her up again after the wedding?

eggsfor1 · 08/09/2021 21:54

I had a similar thing happen to me, my partner walked out when our baby was 10 weeks old and very quickly moved in with another women, who also had an older child.

He is not as hands on. And sees our daughter for 4 hours a week.

It must be so tough for you. I have found it so hard to move on and I don't really think I have at all. Same again, I don't even know how I would have the time to date, with looking after our child and work.

I have found that it gets easier as time goes on? But yeahh a year on I still feel pretty stuck and jealous? Of the way he has been able to just move on.

I think in even more time it will get easier, and we will meet new people in time!!! For now I am just trying to focus on my child and ensuing she has the happiest of lives! I did also do some counselling? Perhaps this would help you process some of your thoughts?

eggsfor1 · 08/09/2021 21:55

Oh and yeah if the new wife has been vile to you since day one there is no way I would let my child stay with them! Perhaps you could trust his mum if you had a good handover and discussed all your child's likes etc

Banksy20 · 08/09/2021 22:05

Her dad is apparently putting her to sleep and then going to stay at his dad's as per tradition the night before the wedding. My daughter has stayed over at their house since the age of 1 and has been fine without being fed - she just feeds when she comes home as she eats and drinks plenty in between. I did raise my concerns with her dad but he brushed them off and I also suggested her being dropped off and picked up but he said no.

Thank you @eggsfor1. It's such a shitty situation and I was genuinely feeling so much better lately but I suppose all of this has opened up old wounds. I just hope I can pick myself up after this.

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eggsfor1 · 08/09/2021 22:16

Ah ok. It sounds like it will be ok then, if your ex is still going to settle her etc.

I am the exact same. At times I feel almost fine about it all and then sometimes it is still so painful.

You will pick yourself up, you have done it before and you will do it again!!! These feelings will pass and it's not surprising that a big event like this will bring up these feelings.

I have the same around birthdays or big events like Christmas.

I wish I could give you answer to make it all better, but I don't have one 😩 it WILL get better though and you will get through this!!!

eggsfor1 · 08/09/2021 22:17

I hope to have more time for dating etc when my child is older, I can't be bothered with men right now. They are all idiots haha

fidgetmad · 09/09/2021 10:07

Really really feel for you OP!

Sounds like you're doing the right thing by trying to keep as busy as possible over the weekend

Sending big hugs

unicornsarereal72 · 09/09/2021 15:53

It is rubbish. It isnt what we planned or hoped for when we started a family.

Big events always make me emotional. Birthdays Christmas etc. They are split between us and it is never easy.

She will be fine. She is with family who know and love her.

In time it does get easier. I still miss the kids. But I value the time I have eow to chill out meet friends or do some jobs. But I know it isn't an easy adjustment.

Banksy20 · 09/09/2021 21:38

Thank you everyone! I was having a down evening last night but work kept me busy today and we had lots of cuddles before she went. Thankfully, her dad is happy to send pictures/videos and message updates and he has already sent a video of her this evening having lots of fun with her soon-to-stepsister and it has made me feel better! I'm going to make the most of the time to myself, keep busy and she'll hopefully be home before I know it! 😊

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MolkosTeenageAngst · 09/09/2021 21:46

No advice but just want to say you sound like an amazing Mum who is doing a great job at co-parenting by putting your DD, and not your own feelings, first. It must be really hard to do that especially if her step-mum has not been nice to you but it sounds like DD is loved by her Dad and enjoys being with her step sister so well done for putting her interests first.

Hope you are able to take some time to yourself this weekend, it won’t be long before ages home.

Banksy20 · 09/09/2021 22:05

Thank you @MolkosTeenageAngst. It hasn't always been easy but I do try to separate my feelings from what is best for her x

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