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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Abusive Ex - CMS?

7 replies

WhenItsNotANormalTeen · 07/09/2021 22:37

I just read another thread that prompted this.

Going to try to give as much context as needed without too much detail.

Ex and I both lost custody 7 years ago due to his abuse. Took 5 years for me to get them home but I did it.

He was offered (when we where signed off 9 months ago) to have contact on a supervised basis at his cost via private arrangement, child in need plan to get it in place. He said he couldn't afford it. So they no longer see him (and are fine).

I'm currently working part time (16 hours) due to my eldests serious mental health issues over the last year and keeping her 2 siblings stable. So I'm getting topped up by UC (though I am very very lucky that my wage on PT hours about the same as full time hours for someone on min wage).

We get by, and I've had a certain pride in that. However would we be significantly better off if I chased him for CMS?

My understanding is it wouldn't change the fact he would need to pay for access to see them supervised. Part of it might be just my bitterness against him deciding to not bother with contact when he pays nothing towards them.

I'll likely just leave things be, do my damn best to give them everything they need and leave it at that. But if I DID chase him... would I be any better off? 2 years back payment however I was working full time for a year of that, then part time abs UC too ups throughout so not sure if it would just even out?

OP posts:

fidgetmad · 07/09/2021 22:41

If you go on the child maintenance website there's a calculator that can give you an idea of what he should pay towards his children.

It depends on his income, number of kids etc

fidgetmad · 07/09/2021 22:42

I could be wrong but I don't think they back date!

Sounds like you've had a rotten time tho and a shame for the kids if he's showing no interest. Sounds like you're doing a great job.

If he's working or has income I'd say go for it! It's the very least the children deserve from him

Steelesauce · 07/09/2021 22:45

You don't get back pay, it starts from the day you apply. It doesn't mean he will get access and you should absolutely claim it ASAP.
Receiving CSA does not effect your benefits and is not taken into account. The amount you receive does not go on your income either, it is purely based on their income, any other dependents they have and how often they have contact.

unicornsarereal72 · 08/09/2021 07:07

As pp said no back pay. It starts the day you make the call. He will be asked nicely to pay. If he doesn't then they will seek deductions direct from his wages. If he is employed this although slow process does work. If he changes jobs. Moves around a lot or is self employed it is impossible.

You will need his information. Date of birth. Address. Employer and NI number if possible. They will check HMRC for details.

Make the call. It may take time but that is your children's money.

BlueButterfliesAndPurpleStars · 08/09/2021 13:30

Thanks everyone! Lots to think about there. Good to know they wouldn't back date (probably was just being a bit petty and wanting a bit of revenge anyway which I need to get over! )

Will sort through my feelings on it and seriously consider applying. The point about it being my kids money and them deserving it really struck a chord. I've taken a lot of pride in making everything work for us by myself, but a little extra to help towards clothes etc would make a big difference...

Thank you again!

BananaPB · 08/09/2021 15:18

They don't back date.

Is he self-employed? He can fiddle things so that you get a tiny payment.

Also be prepared for him to quit his job. I have read about men on here who do this just to spite their ex . CMS if he goes in benefits would be £7pw (assuming that he doesn't have kids with other women)

BlueButterfliesAndPurpleStars · 09/09/2021 20:13

I have zero idea about where he's working (absolute and utter no contact between us and cut all ties with mutual parties). I do think it's likely he's self employed and had a feeling this could impact things. He's also definitely the type to do something like quit his job of not!

I'm having serious doubts again it now. I thought I was over my fear of him, but a rising panic that he might try to seek me or the kids out for revenge is coming up. So may have to leave it. Which is a real pity, as it would have helped a lot.

Thank you everyone!

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