“He only has one!”

[CandyFIosss]

I am a single mum to 4 children, I never get a break ever, and I mean it. I’m on my own with them full time as their “father” doesn’t want to know, he has never had them overnight once in 5 years since we split and now doesn’t see them at all and hasn’t for the last 3 years (apart from about 4 occasions!) Anyway I was speaking to my mum and I said I feel quite resentful over the fact I never get a break ever, I don’t even have a weekend to look forward to like some parents, and she said all dads are the same and none bother with their kids (she was a single parent too so I guess that clouds her view) I said well no that isn’t the case and loads of dads have their kids, I pointed out my nephew goes to his dads house all the time (him and my sister basically share 50/50) and I got “well he only has one! No man is going to look after 4 he wouldn’t have them if she (my sister) had had 4!” I said well he chose to have 4 kids with me they are not just my children, and she said they are they are just your responsibility! I mean is she right? That I can’t expect a father to have 4 kids on his own?

Of course she’s not right.

Decent men who take their responsibilities seriously are perfectly capable of looking after their own children.

Well you know she isn't. Whatever she has been through herself that doesn't make it ok or fair to say all men are like this. There are millions of men with more than one or two children who see them all and would die before they left them. It's really wrong of her to say this becuase it's sexist against men to say they all just abandon children without a care, and it's sexist to women to say that if you have more than one or two children obviously their dad will leave.

Thank you both you are right I know I’m not unreasonable it’s just that my mum has such a warped few of men and dads that it’s hard to not let it rub off on me, she was a lone parent to 6 so struggles to have any sympathy as to her it’s normal and it’s what men do!

When me and my husband temporarily split he had 4 every weekend in a 2 bed flat. If he wanted to he would.

My exH had our two girls throughout their childhood/teenage years after we split. He doesn’t see them as often now that they’re adults but neither do I (due to distance). He was a very present father.

I’m sorry you never get a break.

We have my 3 SS every weekend (can’t have them during week due to distance) 😁

Her views are clouded by her personal experiences, is anyone willing to babysit for you every now and then?

Yes I think it’s that, she’s thinks no men bother with their kids once the relationship ends and she’s “yet to meet one that has” 😳 no no one that will unfortunately

My DH has four children with his ex and adores them, sees them 40% of the time, works his butt off for them and they want to live with us FT. Your mum sounds like her bar for men is literally the centre of the earths core.