Ex moving away - long distance co parenting experiences

[Theworldisquiethere]

DS (9) has just told me that is dad is moving about 100 miles away. He’ll be living in a large HMO.

Currently ex has DS one night a week and every other weekend plus half of the holidays but I’m not sure how this is going to work long distance, I know he won’t agree to change anything without a new court order in place.

Does anyone have experience of an ex moving away like this?

Ex currently lives in the same town as me. DS is very sensitive to change so worried about how it will affect him, also I’m not entirely comfortable with him staying in a HMO with his dad although I know I can’t control that!

Just feeling stressed about the whole thing, ex is a nightmare to communicate with so no idea how to discuss it with him. It’s unlikely that he’ll even tell me himself that he’s moving.

I don’t really have any control over the situation so just wanted to grumble a bit!

Have you actually spoken to him and asked him how contact will work

You need to message him asking about future arrangements ask him if they will continue uninterrupted dont agree to do the travelling he moves its on him

See after the first overnight where your son is expected to sleep any communal areas are a nono but don't preempt it let him work it out

I haven’t spoken to him about it, DS only got home from his and told me about it a couple of hours ago. For full context he’ll be moving to London, we live out in the countryside. He tries to turn anything I say into an argument so trying to work out how to address it in the most neutral way possible

Something like

"Ds told me your moving to x area will contact continue uninterrupted or do you need time to move?"

Say nothing about the hmo aspect

Very neutral message asking how he envisages the practicalities going forward. See what he comes back with. Then go from there. It's tricky because weekend visits mean missing sports clubs, parties, scout camps etc. This will become more of an issue as time goes on.

I live 120 miles away from my dcs dad, he has them eow and extra in the holidays, not half holidays though, his choice. We meet halfway and Co parent very effectively, in that the day to day decisions I make but anything major I do include him. It is completely impossible for him to have midweek contact due to distance so they facetime twice in the week. I would just mention it casually, 'I hear you are moving and leave it there, it up to him to figure out the logistics and he's probably not given that part a thought, but as pps have mentioned don't bring up the HMO.

Don't say anything until he tells you. Don't let your child be the messenger. Call your solicitor now and get them lined up for needing a new court order. Contact will likely drop to EOW and half the holidays.