Child Maintenance + Shift Work

[halfwayhome99]

Hello,

I have split with my partner, we are both shiftworkers. We're trying our very best to resolve money without going through official/nasty channels but are batting heads over an issue.

My ex who has the kids, works shifts which start at 4am. Finding childcare at that time is impossible so I have been asked to make my way over to the family home for 4am so they can get to work.

As mentioned, I am also a shiftworker and work until midnight. This was ideal when we were together but now we're not it's very problematic. What actually constitutes as a night? I would be getting home from my job at 1am and having to leave my place at 3.30 to get to the kids for 4am. Five nights a week, including weekends. I am now technically paying rent for somewhere I'm sleeping only two nights a week.

Am I still obliged to pay the full amount of child maintenance as recommended by the government website? What constitutes as an actual "night" anyway? If my ex and I are swapping over childcare in the middle of the night where do either of us stand?

Any help would be appreciated

Neither of you have great work patterns that is conducive to looking after children solo. One, or both of you, need to look for different work. It’s not great for you to be going over to their house in the middle of the night after a long shift though.
When do you actually have the children at y0ur house?

Both of us work as nurses so it's not just as easy as giving that up. Right now during the school holidays I'm having the kids at my place every day whilst my ex is at work. When my ex finishes, the kids are collected and I start work.

TBH if you're paying child maintenance I wouldn't think sorting out your ex's childcare at 4am is your responsibility. Alternatively it wouldn't be your ex's responsibility to sort out childcare when you work until midnight. Does this set up work for both of you? It sounds problematic in that you're never getting enough sleep.

I should have probably stated that my ex has been off of work due to sickness and these issues haven't affected us yet, but she is scheduled to return and it's been very hostile.

If you’re NHS one of you at least (I’d try for both TBH) should be requesting a change of shifts due to your change in circumstances and the childcare needs. You’re both now single parents and the NHS is supposed to be very family friendly.

I've been able to gain a 90-day change but nothing longer than that. My ex refuses to change their shift pattern in any way.

I appreciate the tips. Hopefully this can be resolved in a way that's best for the kids.

Who does the school pick up and drop off?

When would you actually be able to sleep?

I think if you are not incurring any childcare costs and there is an agreement all costs like uniform, clothing, hobbies, school meals etc are shared then there should be an agreement that no is maintenance paid to each other?

The kids start school at 8.10. I'm unsure exactly what the maintenance money is meant to cover, I recently paid extra and also bought half the
new year's school uniform on top. I suddenly feel like I'm being too generous?

That’s good you’ve sorted that. You can use this change to arrange your contact pattern. Tell your ex when you will be having the DC and that you won’t be providing childcare outside of those times. Alternatively the children could live with you and your ex can pay maintenance to you.

If you do 50/50 there's no maintenance but costs are split 50/50. Are you at the same trust? I would suggest investigating if you can do opposite shifts, well assuming you do 12 hour shifts you do different days

Please try not to get into the mindset of 'too generous'. They are your kids. I have no real advice re the shift patterns etc but maybe a mediator would be able to help you work out what is fair. Be very honest and make a list of who currently provides what in the way meals, clothes, trips, treats, hobbies etc. The work out roughly what those cost. Are you / her meeting those costs 50/50? If she did use paid childcare in order to make your combined working patterns work, how would you feel about contributing to that? It's not fair if you get to work without childcare costs because they are with her but she has to incur them when she works. (this happens to most resident parents). CMS maintenance usually comes nowhere near 50% of costs. Just try to be as honest as possible and remember what this money is for... Ie, giving your kids the best you can.

This isn’t feasible long term. Shifts/jobs need to change.

Even as nurses there are alternate jobs that aren’t all shifts, or your shifts need to compliment each other in some way. I know that it is not that simple but that is really the only solution. Otherwise you are going to be unable to function, and in a role as a nurse this is also dangerous.

You both need to speak to your employers and/or be looking for alternative roles.

Your ex simply refusing to change shifts is not ok, and if they are expecting you to go round at 4am to provide the childcare at that time, but refusing to acknowledge they need to make changes too, then simply you shouldn’t be doing it.

For this to work you are both going to have to make changes that you may not ideally like or want. But it’s about the kids.