Tired

[PumpkinKlNG]

I’m tried all the time! I’m a lone parent to 4 and never get a break (father not involved) and I’m always so tired I struggle to get out of bed in the mornings, I know it’s probably normal being a lone parent but just wondering how other single parents cope with tiredness and is it normal? Any tips?

Hi - it sounds normal. You have a heavy responsibility physically, mentally and emotionally. It takes its toll.

I dont know what the solution is other than trying where possible to get some space from the responsibility. I'm in a similar situation myself with 3 kids under 9, father is not involved (and spends his time dragging me through family court endlessly), and no family to help. It is brutal. I actually logged on today for the first time with a new account to write something similar and ask for encouragement.

Is the tiredness chronic or have you been doing more, drinking more than usual, life changes etc?

I have 3 kids, disabled and mentally ill. I'm in a better situation in that their dad has the younger 2 every weekend from 2pm Saturday to 10am Sunday. The oldest refuses to go. He despises his dad.
It's exhausting. I wish I had the answer. I dont sleep great anyway and when I've very little opportunity to nap it makes everything seem worse.
Luckily for me my oldest is 12, so even though he doesn't go to his dads I can nap on Saturday afternoons.

Thanks both, No I don’t drink at all. most days I’m honestly forcing myself out of bed and out whereas most parents seem to be out and out super early with their kids! At least it’s not just me.

Tell us a bit more about your family set up and circumstances. Sometimes sharing can provide some small relief, and I'm sure many others on this board can relate and support.

I only have 1 toddler, newly single parnet n his dad's being a delight and not helping and I'm struggling. Working full time and studying dosnt help, I'm drowning and barely keep ontop of anything housework/garden related. I described it to my friends as coping not succeeding across the baord. I'm hoping it gets better tbh.
Hats off to you doing it with more than one!

I have 4 oldest 10 youngest is 4 oldest has autism so that in itself makes life hard, their father has no involvement with them through his own choice and hasn’t been involved for 4 years (he’s seen them about 4 times in 4 years, the last time was January) I have family but they see them as my responsibility which is true so they don’t help out, my mum may occasionally take 1 or 2 for a day out but even that’s not often (once a month) she would never take all 4 maximum 2, so I’m never fully away from them to have a break. The youngest starts school soon so even though that will be a few hours to myself I’m dreading it as it’s going to be a struggle getting up and getting 4 children dressed for school (oldest still needs help dressing and younger ones still need prompting) I see other parents and they seem to have so much energy.

Pleaseaddcaffine thank you, I struggle to keep on top of the house work, if my mum comes by and it’s messy she will comment to try to make me feel bad she said the house should be spotless

Can't your mum help with housework instead of judging?
I'm lucky my mum helps with housework (due to my disabilities making it hard for me) and will babysit for specific things, like taking DS2 for his eye tests, but I don't get time just to be me I've always got at least one child with me.

No I wouldn’t ask for her help I would never hear the end of it! She does my garden some times as I can’t keep on top of it (Bare in mind I’ve never asked she offered to do it after I paid someone) and boy does she go on about it! How great she is how much she helps me, I of course am grateful she does it but I feel she tries to make me feel bad about it

Thats no good at all. Ugh. Sorry you have that to deal with on top of everything else

I have 1, he’s 17months and I am bloody exhausted.
Working full time so the routine in the week is mad dash to get ready, get to nursery,go to work. Bed time is easy thank god but once he’s in bed I crash out. I try and get stuff done but it’s hard.
Weekends I get mom guilt so always try and find something fun for us to do. We go to my mom’s on a Sunday. She’s brilliant but I feel so bad that today I ended up falling asleep for an hour whilst she entertained my son. I’m that tired!

People ask how I cope and I tell them I just do but in reality I feel like I’m crumbling and keep telling myself it has to get better.

That’s the thing I feel constantly in here debt because of it, and even then it’s only twice a year she does it so I don’t tend to ask for help, when I only had 3 she would have them all at the same time and more often it was when I had the youngest she stopped having them which is fair enough I realise 4 is too much for most people but even then she wanted paying for having them so I’ve just learned to get on with it without the help like I said I haven’t had a break for over 4 years now so it is exhausting

Yeah, my mum stopped having all of mine when my youngest was a toddler. He's autistic and hard work and she freely admits she can't cope with him.
She will reluctantly watch him if I've an appointment for one of the older ones but she makes it seem like a massive chore.

But I can't really complain because she helps out so much in other ways and I honestly don't know how I'd cope without her. It's just hard work having to deal with a 6 year old in meltdown when I'm shopping when it could have been avoided if I had someone to watch him

Single parent to 3 here. You are doing great op. Really great.

your mum could be a better support.

Hi @PumpkinKlNG. I am sorry you are feeling so tired. I have 4 also but different circumstances, but you sound like you are keeping going and showing determination over the last few challenging years.

I understand that it must be so physically and mentally hard with 4 children, however have you looked into depression as a cause of your tiredness? I experienced this a few years ago and one of the symptoms was just not being able to get up in the mornings. I mention this because in another post you said that the ‘only thing I look forward to is them growing up’. If this is not relevant for your situation, please dismiss the rest of this post.

Your mum does sound like she could be a better support, but if she isn’t going to offer to help or is critical to you, maybe you are better off without her help. I am not sure if this is manageable for you at the moment but when a situation is seemingly unchangable (little support), little changes in yourself can go a long way. For myself, this was introducing small pleasurable things that I enjoyed pre-kids, journaling, and aspects of CBT.