OMDST - I think I find it difficult because dd's father doesn't see her. He is 'absent'.
The next question after you explain you're a single Mum is always: 'Oh, but she does see her father, though?'
I so want to give them the reassuring, socially acceptable answer they want - that, yes, her father is very involved and we get on fayyy-mously now we're no longer together. So nice now that we don't have to argue all the time and can just be the perfect co-parents.
Sometimes I do lie and say: yes, he sees her sometimes. But it's not true.
If I tell the truth, that he isn't involved at all (he's pretending she doesn't exist as it might put off 'the one' (his perfect woman) when he finally finds her - he's road-tested quite a few), the next thing they say (desperately floundering to hear something positive from me) is: 'Oh, that's a shame but have you got a good support network, your family...? (I usually just say yes at this point but both my parents passed away, my sister is abroad and my brother is the other side of the country. I moved to be closer to my father before he died and know hardly anyone round here. I have to travel to see old proper friends.)
If I tell the whole truth (I have perhaps once or twice, risking total social anathema) then they will say of course: 'oh, that must be hard but you're ok, aren't you, you manage? The appropriate answer and the truth is: 'yes', I do. And I've got quite a lot to be grateful for.
People are trying to be nice, wanting you to be positive. I do need to establish more of a support network via single-parent clubs, acquaintances, new friends and neighbours, child-minders. My neighbours are good actually - there you go, some positivity!!
Neva - you are absolutely right. Just say: 'I'm single' and it WILL shut them up and prevent further questions. Although...some of the more intrepid will venture further with: 'have you been on your own from the start?'... Perhaps a Paddington Bear stare is required as well to stop them in their tracks?
I can only blame myself because I'm too frank with people. They don't need to know all the details if they are only acquaintances and, if they become friends, I can explain later. But, ideally I would prefer to be honest and not be judged/pitied. Idealistic.
Everybody gets the question: 'what do you do for a living?' whether single parent or married or whatever. It just has a bit of an added nuance-dimension if you are a single parent.
Is there a Daily Mail 'top of the pops' or hierarchy of single mothers with 'widow and part-time brain surgeon with lovely, well-connected, extended family' at the top and 'teenager with no support network and no qualifications, never worked, on benefits' at the bottom?
(No offence intended to widows, teenagers, the socially successful, the bereft, those who live in depressed areas with high unemployment and those whose unique brilliance is not measured by our one-size-fits-all education system.)