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Lone parents

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Original poster

Do you find people treat you differently now you are single?

31 replies

niece · 30/11/2007 21:19

lots of people who i used to be friends with, now treat me differently especially when they are with their other halves!

It's like i am gonna pounce on them or something, Does anyone else have this problem?
Also if random people find out i am single, they sometimes speak to me like i have done something wrong!

Whats wrong with being on my own, it's much better than staying in a violent relationship!

OP posts:
Pinkchampagne · 30/11/2007 21:22

I agree it is better to be single than in a bad relationship.
Not sure that people treat me that different tbh, but there is always that knowledge that you don't really belong in their "couples" group anymore.

Original poster
niece · 30/11/2007 21:24

I don't want to play gooseberry, and I'm sure they don't want me tagging along!

OP posts:
colditz · 30/11/2007 21:27

My friends who don't have children thought I would be back to my single pre child behavior

I get treated differently by professionals, such as doctors, health visitors, preschool staff - I have moved down the scale from stay at home mother to dim single mum. There is a definate change in the vocabulary professionals use compared to the way they used to speak to me in front of my ex.

blanki · 30/11/2007 21:38

Agree, but it is even WORSER when you also add maternal mental health problems into the equasion. Regardless of diagionis, prognosis or even general IQ. I did not commit any crime, quite the reverse actually.

lou33 · 30/11/2007 21:40

female friends treat me the same

male friends at some point try and crack onto me, some i have taken up the offer, some not, depending on circs at the time

married men think i am fair game for a bit on the side

i have no problems hanging out with a couple, i regularly pop round to my friend to see her and her h for the evening, i consider them equally good friends

Catnkids · 30/11/2007 22:25

Yep some of the school mums aren't as friendly, it's like I've moved down a social group

Sometimes people look at me with pity and others think I'm out gallavanting every night (I wish!!! One night would do!!)

Also like Colditz said professional people treat you differently. I find myself hiding my hands so they can't see that I haven't got a wedding ring. How ridiculous!!!

lou33 · 30/11/2007 22:33

oh i have never spoken to the majority of the mums round here anyway, so it makes no odds lol

turquoise · 30/11/2007 22:35

I think that like with any hard life experience, you find out who your real friends are. A lot of people I thought would really be supportive have disappeared, because I just don't fit into the couples only social scene, others who I hadn't been close to have been amazing, invited me to loads of things, and turned out to be great true friends.

turquoise · 30/11/2007 22:36

A lot of the range rover yummy mummies treat me like I am an alien or have an infectious disease though! Bollocks to 'em.

nametaken · 30/11/2007 23:15

are you sure that people are treating you differently? Could it be that you are being over-sensitive due to your stressful new circumstances? I mean this kindly btw.

Alambil · 30/11/2007 23:19

exactly - bollocks to them!!

WE know we aren't second-class citizens. WE know the reasons - they are just trapped in their small minds.

We should pity them.

colditz · 30/11/2007 23:27

I could be hypersensitive. Surely not all the posters here are though? But admittedly, I have been known to take offence easily when feeling prickly

Alambil · 01/12/2007 09:24

Colditz - the way people look at me is one of firstly "oh she was a teen mum and therefore a slut, not worthy of speaking to". Then, if they dare to speak to me (cos didn't you know - teen, single mums have contagious diseases! they find out that that I am just as, if not more intelligent than them (meaning I have a degree - nothing more) and that I am actually a rather nice person!

They still don't let me speak to their husbands alone... as if I'd want a 40something married man with kids as my next partner.

I really don't know what goes through these people's minds - as IF I would want their partners!! They must be super-paranoid and insecure.

It hurts, but you get used to it

Alambil · 01/12/2007 09:25

that would be 40something year old!

MerryKerryXmas · 01/12/2007 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alambil · 01/12/2007 09:42

It is weird isn't it!

jellyjelly · 01/12/2007 09:42

i FIND THE LADIES are ery ok with me actually it the guys even my so called male friends that think i am an easy lay. They very quickly become not a very good friend. That is what annoys me most about being a single parent guys thinking i am loose.

Rant over.

CrushWithEyeliner · 01/12/2007 09:56

MKX that is awful

OverMyDeadStuffedTurkey · 01/12/2007 10:07

I have way more confidence than I used to have when I was with my ex, probably because he was so abusive, so as a result have way more friends and find people treat me much more positively, I think it is a result of my confidence and my belief that I did the best thing ever by leaving ex.

Ok I still sometimes feel like other mums might judge me, but I think that is mostly my own insecurities. Since DS started school, I haven't mentioned to any other mums that I'm single, it's not generally the first thing that comes up

As for men thinking I'm an easy lay...well, that hasn't happened yet! I have quite a few male friends who have told me that when they found out I had a kid just assumed I had a partner too, so where just friends.

Mostly my experiences have been positive.

MerryKerryXmas · 01/12/2007 10:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lou33 · 01/12/2007 11:54

pmsl kerry

tinkerbell3004 · 01/12/2007 12:12

hi, well i dont really belong on this thread but just wanted to say that i think all single parents deserve a medal... i had a ds at 17 and people looked down there noses at me and made me feel like i was scum, but now im the one whos laughing! i decided like u lewisfanbahons to get off my bum and go out and prove to myself that i was just as good as them... so nearly 6 years on i have 2 gorgeous kids (hopefully 3 soon) a loving husband and good job!!! so now i can laugh at all the perfetic little people who looked down there noses at single and/or young parents!!! so u ladys are fab and only difference is your special because you have twice the work and no 1 to take over at tea time!!! so dont ever let them pull you down because THERE THE SCUM for having tiny little brains that cant think beyond there own little world not you!!! thanks rant over lol!!!

tinkerbell3004 · 01/12/2007 12:14

sorry forgot to say i was a single parent when i was 17 to my 1st born!!! forgot to add that bit lol

skyatnight · 01/12/2007 15:04

I identify with your last post, MerryKerry .

People do treat you differently. Some people are extra nice to you, to overcompensate for their face falling initially when you told them, and some edge away, after it has come up in conversation. And you don't get invited to dinner parties or other social occasions where their men are there. Only the enlightened and other single parents are unfazed.

But the problem, of being treated differently, is bigger in my head than it is in reality and a lot of it can be influenced by being positive. I'm still not there yet. I was standing in front of a bouncy castle at a kids party the other weekend and someone asked me whether I was going to have any more (children). I hesitated and said I was a single parent and so it wasn't likely (in a pathetic voice). I must think up some answers to common small-talk questions that don't always involve a defensive urge to explain I'm a single parent, hush-hush, like it's a disease.

MerryKerryXmas · 01/12/2007 15:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.