Separation anxiety at 7 years old

[alexa677]

Hi there

My DD went back to school last week (we're in Scotland). She loves school & loves her new teacher. Thursday and Friday she went in no problem.

This morning she was absolutely hysterical and the teacher had to prise her off me and I had leave her in floods of tears.

I know this can be common in younger kids but I'm worried she can still be like this now?

She's really goof about talking about her feelings generally and she says she likes school but doesn't like leaving me when she's not seen me at the weekend.

It's always worse on the Mondays where she has just spent the weekend with her dad so I was wondering if anyone else experienced this or had any tips?

I get quite stressed about it and end up getting frustrated at the situation as if I'm too soft she gets worse.
I'm just at a loss about what to do for the best?

Remember it’s been a weird 2 years when she probably has hardly been left anywhere.

But, that saying, I’d be tempted to get her a worry monster or some other prop that she can tell problems to and see if anything comes of it.

@DelurkingAJ

Remember it’s been a weird 2 years when she probably has hardly been left anywhere.

But, that saying, I’d be tempted to get her a worry monster or some other prop that she can tell problems to and see if anything comes of it.

You're right, it has been a really strange time. I was also shielding during covid and she was really worried about leaving me then too.

My biggest concern is that if I pander to her too much it'll continue (she seems to have learned it'll get her a reaction) but it also seems really harsh to use 'tough love' when she's clearly struggling.

It's when I see all her class mates skipping in laughing and happy together I feel like such a failure and as if I've done something wrong

Both of mine have suffered with this. I had a traumatic divorce from their Dad when DD1 was only 6 and DD2 was only 4. He cheated and I asked him to leave straightaway when I found out (he did not want to stay married). He’d been a bit grumpy before it all came out but had been a fairly active and involved Father up until then.

The youngest really suffered but mainly because she was scared I would disappear too. They missed their Dad but I was the primary caregiver so they were used to him being away at work / travel etc.

Lots of reassurance for them. I’d tell them when I would pick them up, what we would do after. Tell them that I would never leave them by choice. We are a few years on and it does fade but if they have to spend time away from me or go back to school after a weekend it does flare up.

I keep reassuring them. Lots of cuddles etc. It does get better but sadly won’t ever go away.

I wouldn’t see it as pandering at all. I think the more you fight against these things the longer it takes to get over them.

Thanks @Mum45678
Sounds like a really similar situation! My DD was much younger when her dad cheated and I threw him out but it's always worse when she's been at his for the weekend as she feels she's not had enough time with me

If only men understood the knock on impact of their behaviours. 5-6 years later and my DD is still suffering from his actions!! So hard not to get angry about it all over again!