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Original poster

CMS

21 replies

whatisthisinhere · 13/08/2021 17:54

CMS have finally started collect and pay, which I'm pleased about, after ex didn't pay any maintenance for two years. He has now started emailing me about it to complain, and demand I accept a private arrangement. I need to stay strong, he was abusive and still is. Please give me some good grey rock responses. He's going to get worse

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 13/08/2021 17:55

Can’t you just ignore him? Let the CMS do their thing.

Original poster
whatisthisinhere · 13/08/2021 17:57

That's what I'm doing. It still makes me anxious to have communication with him. Ruins my day

OP posts:
Original poster
whatisthisinhere · 13/08/2021 18:00

Now he is saying that they have told him it's in my control, that I can change to direct pay whenever I choose. He's demanding I change it.
Oh fuck, I need wine

OP posts:
Original poster
whatisthisinhere · 13/08/2021 18:00

I feel a bit sick

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright1 · 13/08/2021 18:00

I would ignore.

If you can't cope then simply say all communication about maintanance is to go through the cms.

Just bear in mind, he isn't interestedin supporting his dc and doesn't want a fair deal, you to have more money, it is somply a means to stop payment again

Original poster
whatisthisinhere · 13/08/2021 18:03

Yes, he's a selfish Twat. Always has been. I'm ignoring.
Sometimes I wonder how long it will be before I can just feel nothing

OP posts:
Original poster
whatisthisinhere · 13/08/2021 18:04

Would they really tell him that it's up to me. I can't believe they would do that!

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright1 · 13/08/2021 18:05

You have done private agreement he didn't pay..

If he is continually texting you it becomes harrassment..

Assuming your dc is with you i would turn my phone off or at least silence

Singlemumof2boys21 · 13/08/2021 18:06

I know how you feel im going through the same thing. Best way is to block or ignore as much as possible thats what I do and find that fight inside that your child is entitled to the money and deserves to have it. I know how you feel having to deal with an abusive ex it does make you ill but you just need to stick it out x

Original poster
whatisthisinhere · 13/08/2021 18:55

Do CMS actually tell them that it is in the receiving parents control?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 13/08/2021 18:59

He is just a bully. Stand firm and ignore the messages, they aren't about contact so no response is required.

Singlemumof2boys21 · 13/08/2021 19:01

I was lead to believe both parents have to agree for collect and pay or if the paying parent misses payments then the cms changes it to collect and pay, so the recieving parent as far as im aware can not just change it for no reason x

unicornsarereal72 · 13/08/2021 19:34

I would send one reply. That he has had 2 years to setup a private arrangement and chose not to provide for his own children. The children maintenance service will continue with managing the finances as he clearly can not be trusted. And if he has any issues to take it up with them directly. And you will not discuss this any further with him.

Whirlywooo · 13/08/2021 19:41

I second what @unicornsarereal72 says above. Send that and then block him. Do not wait for a reply from him, just send and block.

MellowBird85 · 13/08/2021 19:42

@unicornsarereal72

I would send one reply. That he has had 2 years to setup a private arrangement and chose not to provide for his own children. The children maintenance service will continue with managing the finances as he clearly can not be trusted. And if he has any issues to take it up with them directly. And you will not discuss this any further with him.
This.
AllTheSingleLadiess · 13/08/2021 19:45

He had 2 YEARS to prove that he was up for a private arrangement. You know that he's going to try and negotiate you down and much you about then you'll have another 2 year wait. Let the CMS take a fair share so that this is not a concern anymore. You shouldn't have had to involve them but have had to because he's a deadbeat. Don't negotiate

AllTheSingleLadiess · 13/08/2021 19:46

You don't have to reply to him about this. It's fine to ignore him the same way that he ignored the financial needs of the kids for 2 whole years.

notapizzaeater · 13/08/2021 19:56

Just ignore him, can you divert his messages to a different mailbox and get a friend to read them so you only answer the important ones ?

Original poster
whatisthisinhere · 13/08/2021 21:51

I do usually ignore him, but stupidly let him back in contact to celebrate ds1 getting into his first choice uni. As usual, he took the opportunity to harass me. I'll be going no contact again

OP posts:
Disrespected · 14/08/2021 11:24

'sorry that's not possible. You had your chance and for 2 years you didn't pay meaning dcs suffered.
I am having no further communication regarding this matter.
If you continue to harass me regarding this matter I will seek legal advice

benelephant · 28/10/2021 14:47

I'm in this exact situation. CMS have now finally changed me to collect and pay and he's in touch telling me to change it back. I'm not as I can't believe a word he says. He's saying that they're taking money for themselves now (which they are with the fees), however it now means I'm going to get some money rather than none.

Every sent me a long email yesterday about the payments. I just sent him a sentence back saying that the Cms deal with it now and any queries need to go to them. I won't be replying to him again about it.

Send that message a PP suggested and then ignore his threats/pleading. He got himself into this mess.

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