New lone parent not coping

[Newmumoct20]

So I’ve been on here before. In summary an emotionally abusive relationship for 18 months, I had my son 9 months ago hoping everything would be better, it wasn’t and 6 weeks ago my partner left. To start with it is was amicable and we even talked about getting back together.

To add context just after the baby was born things were very bad, I was suffering with awful postnatal depression and my partner was constantly telling me my son would be taken off me because of my mental health issues, that he would take the baby himself and not bring him back so I made the choice to register him on my own not adding him to the birth certificate. It was always my intention to add him on later on when things were more settled with us and I was feeling better.

Fast forward to a week ago, I told him about the registration. He stormed out and since that point has blocked me on everything and sent me a formally worded text that he will now be getting legal advice to see our son and that communication will be by text only.

That said he hasn’t replied to a single text all week, it’s come to light he’s already seeing someone else and now it appears he doesn’t care about his son at all and the texts I sent relating to him don’t even get read.

I got solicitor advice, they said mediation would be best but in the meantime to still try and communicate and be amicable and that’s all I’m trying to do but I’m literally getting nothing at all. Should I assume he doesn’t want to know his son anymore and for me personally, well I’m in bits, last week we were getting back together this week I can’t even talk to him.

To add his family hate me and have not bonded with our son at all, they haven’t made any effort to see him and my partner told me I wasn’t allowed to contact them to arrange anything so it’s all really strained.

The text that come from him didn’t read like him, it read like something a relative would right and part of me thinks he is being pushed to act in a certain way and to cut me and our son out.

He has 2 other children which he dotes on but don’t live with him, it’s sad he wants nothing to do with our baby son, he said dada yesterday and I text and told him and didn’t even get a reply!

I’m in pieces and feel so lost and alone, any advice welcome x

I'm so sorry you are in this situation. You need to look after yourself and you baby. Those are your only priorities right now.

Send one more text and say the door is open for you to see the baby anytime. Just let me know. Then do not send anything more.

Put a claim into Cms. And Check your benefits entitlement

Gather support around you. Speak to your gp and seek out counselling to help you get through this difficult time. You need to grieve and that takes time.

I know it is hard. You want to reach out to him. Don't. Keep a journal to pour your feels out. You have got this. One day at a time.

That’s such a clear well thought out reply. It’s so true all I want to do is keep calling and calling and I don’t know why because he won’t pick up. I got a text back this morning saying he wants nothing more to ever do with me and just wants contact and will go through the court to get it. I think it’s going to be a really tough few weeks. I think it’s all made worse that we were so close last week and we were talking about him moving back in, and then complete isolation and being made to feel like the most disgusting repulsive person that he can’t even bare to talk to. I just feel bad for our son as it will inevitably end up being door step drop offs and that’s not how I wanted it for my little boy.

You will get through this. Your little boy will know no different and will have a happy mum. And a calm happy home life. If his dad chooses to not be involved that is in him not you.

The pp is right. Stop bombarding him with texts. One last text with content like she said would work well.

Even without a newborn baby, emotions run high when you've just broken up with kids and sending him lots of texts is not going to help him calm down.

It's a good idea that he get legal advice. If I was his friend I'd be telling him that he can be added to the birth certificate for a fee regardless of whether or not you cooperate and having a Child Arrangement Order is a good idea so you both know what days and times he can see the baby.

He may not know what he wants right now but you not texting him will help him try and get a clearer head. Getting repeated texts from you will keep in fight or flight mode and unable to formulate a plan of action.

Contact CMS and keep things calm and business like. Forget the emotional stuff like almost getting back together - for whatever reason it didn't happen.

Don't be worried about going to court either. Keeping things calm and formal is best for you son.

Agree with op. Stop trying to contact your ex. He knows where you are if he wants to see his son. He's a nasty unsupportive prat.

You are well rid of him. Put in the cms claim, build your support network of your family and friends. Enjoy these early days with your ds.

It sounds like you made the correct choice when you registered your child. Did he not know that he would need to be present at the registration for him to be included? Doesn't sound like he looked into it much prior to the birth.
A lot of men state they will go to court. They're aware of their "rights" and are probably used to getting their own way.
What a court will look at is what's best for the child. Many men lose interest when they realise the time effort and money they will have to spend for access- not to mention then having to actually take care of the child and make sacrifices.
Get your claim in to CMS, stop contacting him and focus on your life with your child.
It's hard but it will get easier I promise.

Thank you everyone for your messages. I’ve agreed for him to have contact today for a few hours today and my biggest pain is the guilt I feel that my son isn’t seeing his dad. It’s not amicable at all and have had to work really hard to get it to happen in the right way. He has said he has already got legal advice and will be applying for a contact order and parental responsibility. I know we will have to go to mediation first and hope by the time we get there he might have calmed down a bit and see things a bit more clearly. He is being completely led by his family who have never liked me, it’s a shame because if he was thinking for himself it wouldn’t be like this.

It's good news that your ex wants to see the baby and is seeing him today for a bit.

Hopefully this all gets easier soon