How To Not Be Alone?

[StarCrossed9]

Kind of a personal post so I hope this is okay here. This is the biggest group I am part of so was hoping for advice.

I am a single mum to a 3 year-old little boy. I split from his dad after 13 years together when he was 1. Since then I have dated one guy who was my friend but ultimately he decided the relationship or whatever “wasn’t for him” after 9 months. That ended a year ago next month and I’m only just getting over that.

I think I am just worried about being in my own forever and am struggling to meet anyone. Just seeking reassurance or something really...

My son’s dad is dating his friend and has been for 7 months. He took our son to meet the new lady but he’s only visited once so far. Again, that was difficult for me, not because I want him back but because I haven’t got to that stage with anyone. Not even with the friend I dated. He never wanted to meet my son.

I HATE dating sites and it is just not my thing at all. I work full-time and my job is pretty demanding too so I don’t have a lot of time to myself. And I worry that since my now ex-friend didn’t stick around, no one ever will. I’m okay on my own and don’t NEED anyone to make me happy. It would just be lovely to have someone to share life with. And I miss the company and quite frankly someone to cuddle/kiss/love.

I have a new male friend who I’ve met up with. He has young children too but it’s early days and I have no idea what he’s after or if it’s purely a friendship thing. So not getting any hopes up there.

I do not know anyone my age (34) in my position and I never thought I would ever be in this position either! All of my friends are either married or in long term relationships, many with children. And I’m a lemon on my own with no one to relate to. 🍋

Hi Star my daughter is in the same position. She is 27 and starting an MA in September…she is struggling with getting to know other aspiring Mums. She is single. ,intelligent and very brave!,💪

I'm a similar age and have a 9 year old. Been on my own for 8 years. I'm okay with it. That's just me though. I got to a point where I was just done with having to deal with short lived bullshit and was much happier alone. It gets easier as they get older and you get more time to yourself, if you get to that point and you're okay just being you then just enjoy.

It doesn't sound like you've spent very much time alone at all, if you were together with your DC's father for 13 years, then got fairly quickly got with the next guy, spent nearly a year recovering, and are now meeting up with a male friend.

Have you ever had any counselling or if that's way out of budget, even looked at some good books to help you think about how to be your 'best self' outside of a couple? They can feel a bit cheesy, but for your son's sake, you want to make sure that you are choosing future relationships for the right reasons and not driven even partly by fear.

I'm a single mum around the same age, I have 3 DCs and an ex who does one night every other week, so have actively made the decision not to find another partner at least for the next few years, and it's in some ways been quite liberating. Friends have stopped doing the 'met anyone' thing, and my own mindset has changed a bit to acceptance of how things are and then working out what I want to do with my limited free time so I'm not just moping or watching mindless Netflix /mumsnetting. It's been so good for rebuilding my friendships - like you, lots of my friends are in long term relationships, but at least it means that they have someone to look after kids, so I'll invite them to mine once kids are asleep, go out on my free night or I go for a midday run with them as my lunchbreak while I'm WFH, or if their DHs are out, I'll invite them over or go to theirs and we bring bits for dinner/order pizza all round while the kids play and watch a movie and we chat. Also got much fitter with exercise videos on YouTube!

Do you have goals or hobbies or a good support network, outside of work and being with your son? Strengthening connections with family, friends and neighbours is good for you, and then and also improves your son's support network, which is really important as a single parent. Spending time on your own development and needs is also important and will help you to work out what you want most, and find the right relationship in the longer term, or have it find you

I'm nearly 50 and been single 4 years. I'm ok with this. I'm happy enjoying my time with the kids and have a big family and friends.

I have dabbled with dating but I'd rather put my energy into family life.

I realise we are at different points in life as you may want more children. But I haven't ruled out a relationship. It just needs to be the right person. I refuses to compromise. Your time will come. Just enjoy meeting new people. And see it as making new friends. And if it leads to something more then that is a bonus.