Is a 10 week old too young to be away from their mother for a weekend?

[pipko]

I need some advice. I have a 2 and a half month old/ 10 week old daughter and to say she is hard work would be an understatement. My daughters father and I are no longer together, we actually separated during my pregnancy. He is still in my daughters life, however, he lives 3 hours away from where my daughter and I stay. He is in England, I am in Scotland. He has only been able to visit her 4 times in 10 weeks due to work, Covid, accommodation and other circumstances. He makes it clear he wants to be in her life and is desperate for me to allow him to take her to his hometown for a weekend to give me a much needed break. I’ve continued to tell him that she can’t travel 3hrs and be away from me for a weekend as I feel she is too young and god forbid if something was to happen I’m 3 hours away!! However, recently I’ve been really struggling. I’m looking after her on my own. She has extreme acid reflux, a suspected cmpa and probably a good bit of colic as well. She is on Neocate formula and Omeprazole but nothing seems to be working. She is so extremely unsettled and scream cries for hours and hours. It’s inconsolable crying at this point, nothing soothes her. Not to mention she doesn’t sleep so neither do I. I’ve still not managed to get back to any kind of normality, working, trips out the house with her etc.. I am pretty much housebound with her, everyday is like Groundhog Day, I really don’t get a rest. I absolutely know this stage won’t last forever and it will get easier but when you’re in the midst of it, it’s hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel and a helping hand would be nice.
My question is- should I allow her father to have her for the weekend to give me a break? It means she would travel 3 hours / 1 and a half hour by train from me and stay with her father and his family over a weekend. Would that make me a bad mother? It’s not like he just lives round the corner, he is 3hrs away. I feel she only really knows me as she has only been with him 3/4 times in 10 weeks. But at the end of the day he is her father, I know he will look after her, he is willing to help and wants a relationship with her.. so is a 10 week old too young to be away for a weekend without their mother?

I want to also add, the plan has always been that when she is older she will go down to see him every second or third weekend anyway..

I couldn’t do it myself personally but I wouldn’t judge anyone else that did

When he visited her, was he actively caring for her (prepping feeds, changing nappies, settling her for a nap) or just a brief visit where he cuddled her and didn't do any actual parenting? I'd be worried if he hadn't done any of the actual caring before but either way, I would work with him to build up to having her overnight.

Usually I’d say go for it! But in your circumstances I’d be hesitant. He doesn’t really know your daughter and she doesn’t know him. Does he have experience with babies?

Could he come to your house and you go elsewhere? Somewhere nearby?

My worry would be that someone (him or his family) would think they know best and leave her to cry it out (that’s what my interfering mother would have done!), when that’s the last thing a colicky/reflux baby needs.

BUT, if this is your only option and you trust him then do what you’ve got to do to get a rest.

My eldest was a constant screamer and I’d have given her to the circus for some sleep.

Does he have PR? Is he on the birth certificate? In your circumstances (I assume there are no abusive circumstances as you haven't mentioned any) I'd ask him to come and stay for a weekend or two and sleep on the sofa or get a guest bed for him. I wouldn't have wanted either of my babies at 10 weeks to be away from their primary caregiver by a long distance overnight, get them used to each other and him used to giving feeds/medication while you're there and on hand to see how he reacts if dd doesn't settle with him. At such a young age his role if he wants to be involved is to support you supporting dd, to have a meaningful coparenting relationship moving forward he should want to assist you rather than having grand ideas about running off to play dadding with his family.

Isn't this a repeat thread?

Repeat thread?

Agh ok just seen the op has posted this elsewhere. Tbf the lone parents bored is very very quiet, I posted the other day and didn’t get a single response 😂 it wasn’t important but If it was I would post elsewhere to get more/quicker responses and I’ve done that in the past as well, the op has 60+ responses on her other post and what 4/5 on this one. Like I said lone parents board is very quiet and I wouldn’t recommend posting on it if you need advice. Nothing wrong with posting elsewhere

Yes