Single Mums - how to talk about your child's dad

[AuroraBorealis1990]

Hi Single mum's (or single parents)

My OH walked out on me and his daughter when she was a few days old. She's still fairly newborn but I don't think he's coming back.

My question is, for people with similar experience: do you talk about your child's father (or missing parent) from the start, so there are no secrets? Or do you not say anything and wait for them to ask questions?

I want what is best for my DD. I would never say anything bad about her dad (as much as I'd love to!!) and explain she was made in love but daddy was too poorly to look after her. Just not sure whether I should be really open about him, who he is, show photos or just...not mention til she asks.

Thanks!

Hmm, no I don’t talk about him, ever really, the kids bring him up occasionally like yesterday we was at the park and there was a dad there with his kids and if prompted my son to say he has a horrible dad (but they was older when he left so have a memory of him) my youngest he’s never really been involved with and no I don’t talk to her about him and she doesn’t ask as has no memory of him (he left when I was pregnant and only saw her a handful of times) I would probably take their lead?

I don’t talk to my DS directly about his dad and will take his lead on that. But general discussions with others surrounding his father are made within earshot. My DS is mixed-race and I feel it’s particularly tricky for me in that regard because obviously people question the heritage of his father and I also don’t want to give him the idea that his non-white heritage is in any way problematic, so I do talk about his father in conversation sometimes.

I would never say anything bad about her dad (as much as I'd love to!!) and explain she was made in love but daddy was too poorly to look after her.

Is he unwell? You said he walked out.

I'm from the other perspective. My mum was a lone parent and never ever said a bad word about my dad (as I got older I discovered for myself ). But it's so important to be positive about their father. I continue to admire her for that

I didn't talk about him to my DD. When she was 3 he appeared back in her life, 5 now and has been consistent. She did ask once why they was no babies pictures of him with her and I said he wasn't ready to be a daddy then but he is now.

I still have a lot of resentment towards him. The one or two weekends a month he has her he plays Disney dad. I just keep telling myself it's about my daughter and not my feelings.

Best advice I can give is don't try and push him to be involved like I did. Get books you can read together from a young age about all different types of families etc.

Is your dad or any brothers in your life?