Is it important?

[PumpkinKlNG]

Just reading someone else but do you think it’s important for kids to have a male role model in their life is their father is absent? Does it matter if they don’t have another male role model?

I think it is important. Kids learn everything by copying. Everything. The only thing you can’t do for your child is to show him how to to be good man/what a good man looks like.

Yes it is important. Which is why it is a concern that almost all early years, and primary school staff are female. We really need the gender balance to be more equal, especially if there are children who don't have male role models at home.

However, it doesn't mean you have to rush and bring home a new boyfriend. lol. An uncle, grandfather, teacher, close family friend, extra-curricular activity adults in charge, they all could fill the role.

It’s important that children have GOOD male role models in their lives.

Ohh wasn’t hoping for these responses! Unfortunately no male role model at all, no brothers uncles grandad etc, So what do you do if there is no male role model?

Join extra curricular activities like scouts, gyms, sports etc.

I actually don’t think it’s important. As long as they have a good role model and open conversation with trusted adults (as in can their existing parent teach manners, explain what a good relationship should look like etc).

The fact of whether the role model has a penis or vagina is surely irrelevant?

I think it’s really important. I have two sons who were abandoned by their father. The younger one particularly struggles with it and really seeks out male approval in any form. He will do almost anything to be accepted by other boys including allowing himself to be bullied. It’s very sad to see.

@PumpkinKlNG

Ohh wasn’t hoping for these responses! Unfortunately no male role model at all, no brothers uncles grandad etc, So what do you do if there is no male role model?

Get him into hobbies were there are good male role models. Unfortunately I don’t rate sports like football, boxing etc. Lots of toxic masculinity there IME. My sons love the scouts, local conservation group, archeology club.

Seek stories (books, films etc) out with good males in, discuss them in an age appropriate way.

Do not try and find a new partner just to provide a good male role model, but DO consider that aspect in any new relationship you are tempted to start.

Also have a think about male celebrities who are doing good things that you can direct his interest to. Eg Marcus rashford seems to be doing lots of great things right now.

I don’t think you need to find one, single, long-term role model (like a grandfather, uncle or step-dad), but it might be wise to find several low-key role models (music teachers, scout leaders, religious leaders, babysitters…)

In the absence of “real-life” men, I’d worry about cultural messages my boys could pick up from the media and various cultural tropes. I caught my three-year-old the other day insisting that boys shouldn’t cry… eek!

At minimum, I’d try to watch a few films with them that showcase different types of masculinity. Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird for a classic example. Or for something lighter, “Fatherhood” on Netflix. I’d curate a list long enough to last a few years and to spark some good discussions (as well as subtly conveying the message that there are all types of men, and that good men don’t all need to be testosterone-fuelled superheroes and the like!)

Hmm sports is difficult as my sons aren’t sporty despite me trying to encourage it they aren’t into football boxing etc, I was hoping that at least one would get a male teacher but I have 4 in total and each ones new teacher is female (all in primary) and the ones before that were all female as well! Definitely a shortage of male teachers (at their school anyway)

Hmm sports is difficult as my sons aren’t sporty despite me trying to encourage it they aren’t into football boxing etc

Like I said- I don’t rate these as being good for positive male role models.

Thank you, it’s probably quite lucky they don’t like sports then! No plans to date to have a male role model as I’ve been single for 5 years now, I don’t see that changing any time soon. Hence me wondering how important it was.

I think with 4 boys (if I have understood you correctly) there may be less of a need, as they have each other as some form of male role-models and companions and therefore may not have such a huge void as boys who are only children. If your boys seems happy and well adjusted to life, they may not be in need of a male role-model. Everybody is different.

Thank you, I have 2 boys 2 girls, but people seem to say it’s more important for boys to have male role models