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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable ….? HELP!

12 replies

Babymama2020 · 04/07/2021 10:45

Hey, my little one is 1 year old. His dad left when he was 7 weeks leaving me staying with parents until he turned 7 months, I’ve now got a house and he is back living at his mums.
She said that the grandkids can’t stay over while they are babies (no idea why but I wasn’t bothered as loved having my little one all to myself) however I have now returned to work, and juggling work, mum life and trying to bathe or shower in peace seems impossible.
A month ago I had a chat with his dad and agreed my little one would sleep over every other Saturday along with his daughter who is 12. (He still lives with his mum)
The first weekend went fine, he picked him up at 1pm and brought him back the next day at 11.
Then last weekend he went to stay again, was fine until it came to him coming home where I received a message from his mum saying “he can start sleeping when he is older it’s her house and she decides who sleeps and it’s too much”
He was fine there, slept all night and good as gold so I was baffled. I replied asking the reason to which she said it’s her house her rules.
She told my babies dad his daughter (12 years old) can sleep over but not my son.
I have now decided that I will no longer be sending my son there as it’s made me feel he is unwanted and I won’t put him in that situation.
My ex’s sister is now messaging saying she doesn’t agree how I’m treating her mum and I’m in the wrong!
Am I the only one who thinks what she is saying/doing is wrong?!
How do I approach this….??
Thank you ❤️

OP posts:

30degreesandmeltinghere · 04/07/2021 10:48

Sounds to me like granny does the childcare on behalf of your ex. And maybe this is her way of stopping that. Maybe she doesn't want sleepless nights... Which she is entitled to prevent in her own home.
Sorry not what you wanted to hear... If he was a decent df he would find his own place and parent his own dc... Sounds like a waster but guess you know that already..

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/07/2021 10:49

What does the sister think you’re doing wrong? It’s literally nothing to do with her. You liaise wiry your ex on contact for your baby and he liaises with his mum on what’s okay in her house. Ignore the sister completely.

Does your ex want daytime contact at his mum’s but not overnight?

It’s his responsibility to live somewhere suitable for regular contact with both of his children.

Original poster

Babymama2020 · 04/07/2021 10:57

I would 100% get it if she was left to do all the childcare but she has said herself that his dad does everything for him when he is there. He slept all night the two times he has slept.

My ex wanted over night every other weekend to which his mum agreed but since has said she doesn’t want babies in her house

The grandma told him to get his kids and leave so he has, he has a room above a pub to stay for now whilst searching for a property (I will not be sending mu little one to stay above the pub)

I understand it being her house but I guess I just can’t see how she can make one rule for one grandchild and another for the other.

OP posts:

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/07/2021 11:23

She can make any rules for who stays in her home. It doesn’t make her nice or reasonable but he’s these children’s father and it’s his responsibility to accommodate them somewhere suitable.

Still not sure what she or the sister think you’ve done wrong, sending your baby or not sending him?

As he’s now moved out just ignore and block his relatives if they’re interfering. He’s your problem, not them.

If you’re not happy with overnights above a pub then arrange regular day time contact so they can bond and you can have a break.

PumpkinKlNG · 04/07/2021 12:16

Hmm I don’t know I’m kinda of the opinion that it’s her house and her rules, your ex needs to sort his own place out if he wants his son overnight.

Original poster

Babymama2020 · 04/07/2021 12:50

Agreed, I think what hit a nerve with me was that his daughter was allowed to sleep but not his son.

She has one certain grandchild every weekend and he is only 2 years old.

I agree babies dad needs a place for his kids, but I guess I just can’t see a reason his mum would stop or want to try prevent them from spending time with their father.

I have blocked the family, and moving forward I won’t send him there to sleep.

I agree on it been her house, I just don’t agree on one rule for one child and another for the others.

Thank you all :)

OP posts:

GettingItOutThere · 04/07/2021 21:38

agree with the others, its her house and I would not send your child there where he isnt wanted either.

In fairness, he needs his own house to have his children. These man-childs who live with mummy is honestly pathetic. He needs to grow up and want to see his children in the safe space he creates

nimbuscloud · 04/07/2021 21:53

but I guess I just can’t see a reason his mum would stop or want to try prevent them from spending time with their father.

She has probably decided that she has facilitated him long enough and as a father of 2 children he needs to accept his responsibility and provide a home for his children.
She is also probably thinking that he may have another child and she will end up having that child as well.
This is not your ex’s mother’s problem or fault so don’t be seeking to blame her.

BlackeyedSusan · 08/07/2021 14:35

To be fair, I don't think he is a man child. He did all the care and has moved put to find somewhere for his son to stay.

Gran's house, gran's rules etc even if you don't like them.

Try to let the dad have daytime contact so that baby is not upset by resuming contact with, what to him will be, a stranger.

Mani2021 · 08/07/2021 21:32

The co-parenting and arrangements for your son should be between you and his dad. Where is he in all of this?! If my client came to me with this situation I would be writing to the dad asking him why his mother is dictating child arrangements and setting him straight on what your proposals are and what is unacceptable and unfair.

Not sure why the sister is involved and what ‘treatment’ she refers to, maybe you left something out?

headintheproverbial · 08/07/2021 21:36

Of course it's her choice. It's her house!

Let's not deflect blame towards the mum here. Your ex partner has to make arrangements in order to actively be involved in his child's life. Clearly he hasn't done that to date.

Light11 · 09/07/2021 10:29

This is very tricky and I’m sorry that she was harsh I am sure your son is lovely and she might one day regret this decision, he won’t want to sleep over when he is older if they haven’t bonded!

The dad sounds like a man-child you and the little one deserve better I hope he sorts himself out with a place.

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