Telling children about moving out

[Fitzroygurl10087]

Hi all, me and my stbx are planning to tell our children (6&9) that he is moving out. He is moving into a flat next weekend so I thought that we could tell them together this weekend but I don't know the best way to do it. Stbx is insisting that we do it at home but I'm really worried that they will have bad memories of where they were sitting when we told them, but stbx says it's the safest place and if we do it in the park or coffee shop (as per my suggestion) then they may run off. Also not sure if the time of day matters or how long before the event? Is a week ok? I'm so scared of screwing it up and making it even worse for them. Their dad is hardly ever around anyway and when he is he doesn't engage with them,but they love him. Help! Any advice much appreciated! X

Thank you so much, your support is amazing xxx

@Fitzroygurl10087

It would be great to have a break *@unicornsarereal72* , I have asked him if we will have them overnight and he doesn't want to yet, hopefully that will change when he's settled but I don't hold out too much hope

He doesn't get to check out of being a father and shouldn't get to say he won't have them overnight. He's being a dick already and he hasn't even left. Make sure you claim maintenance as soon as he's out the door.

At home.

When I was a teen, my dad took me to a cafe to tell me he'd had an affair. It was awful, because I didn't feel I could get upset or ask questions. It felt (and still feels) like it was his way of getting out of having to deal with my feelings.

It's done! For now at least! We did it at home at the table, my 9 year old got really distressed and ran to her room but my 6 year old didn't really understand and got upset thinking that he would be moving into daddy's flat. They seemed to calm down, but I'm worried about the damage this has done to my daughter, she really loves her Dad despite him being a . Thanks so much for all your support, it has made this first step so much easier xxx

They just need lots of love and reassurance many families break down. Kids adjust. Let school know so they can offer support and make some lovely plans for the summer

How's things @Fitzroygurl10087

Hi @unicornsarereal72 , thanks so much for checking in. Things are going ok, my 9 year old told me that the reason she was so upset was because she thought she would have to stay at her dads 50% and move all her stuff, told her that's not the case and she seems much happier. It's definitely on her mind today being father day. Now have got the financial stuff to sort which is gonna be complicated! How's things with you?

I would do it at a time that your ex can hang around afterwards and play a board game or have a film night all together afterwards. You want to keep it light and emphasise how much things will stay the same; how much they will still see him, how close he will be, how you will still be a family and do things together, how much you both still love them and how Mum & Dad are still a team working together to look after them. Then immediately demonstrate that by a joint activity.

I think you’re almost anticipating too much upset and in danger of making it happen. Kids can cope with a lot if they see the adults are okay and reliable. Acknowledge it’s sad to split up but then emphasise all the positive stuff, the love and all the continuity. Then SHOW them you’re still a family. So not a time when he swings by, delivers the bad news and then dashes off to work.

Sorry. I didn’t see the post date.

Glad all is calm. There will be ups and downs but kids are resilient. If you are ok. They will follow suit.

Mine are with their dad today. Always feels at a loss when they aren't here. Especially since Covid. I use to make plans and volunteer but all that changed last year. So just me and the dog.

@unicornsarereal72 hope your day was good, must be strange on the weekends with no kids x

It's been a few years for me. I'm still not use to it. But of course want them to go. They now refuse to sleep over. Only so long you can sleep on the floor.

Hope your week goes smoothly. And you guys have some nice plans for the summer break.