How to get some time for me.

[mrboingboing]

How do other people manage this? I'm a lone parent, exDH doesn't have the children at all except for maybe 1 or 2 nights a year. I work full time in a stressful job. And I feel awful saying it but I just need some time away from them!

They are 8 and 9 so it's not like they're little. I had to work ( from home) yesterday and they spent most of the day on their iPads playing roblox and watching shit on YouTube. I felt so guilty.

I don't get evenings as DS has ADHD and is dyspraxic, bedtimes are a nightmare unless I let him sleep in my bed with me. Which I do sometimes, but I also sometimes want my own space too!

DD was at a friend's for a sleepover on Saturday so DS and I went for a swim in the sea. First time in ages I tried to do something I wanted to do, rather than something for the children. But I had to get out after 10 mins as he was too cold and was getting distressed 😡. So home we went.

Feeling rather sorry for myself.

Send them both to Cubs / Scouts - hopefully once everything opens up again they'll be able to go to camps together and you'll have whole weekend free!

Could your son go to respite at all? I know that means you don't really get a break but it might help, do you have any support from family and friends? When I was a single mum my parents were very good at helping out I was very lucky, can you get dad to help out more?

Great thinking re Cubs/ scouts! Will make sure they go to the same one so have camps at the same time.

I won't be able to get any respite for my son u fortunately. My amazing, lovely mum would have him but her house is in a very poor state of repair with dodgy electrics etc plus she smokes heavily in the house so I'm not happy for them to stay there. The rest of the family won't help out. Their dad won't either. That's another story! If exDH paid anything in child maintenance I could afford to work less hours but he's never paid a penny. 😡

I think what you need to work out is the bedtime routine for you ADHD son. I’m not saying that will be a piece of cake, but it is possible to set up a routine that means you don’t sleep with him and get your own space and I think it’s really important that you do. Even if he is awake but upstairs you need to establish that at a certain time you are not available and will have your own time downstairs as you are an adult.

I don’t. Single parent to 4, no family help and ex absent.

Would your mum come to your house and stay with the children?

As they get older it is easier. I can leave mine for an hour or two now so long as I'm Not far away. We also got a dog so I get out twice a day for walk and head space from the kids.

Have you gone through csa to get financial help from the ex? Cubs/scouts is a great idea from another poster! Could you hire a babysitter even if it was once a month to have an evening with friends to go to cinema or for a meal etc? I know it costs but I think I would prioritise this if I was able to!

LooptheLoops. That sounds incredibly hard.

I've sent an email enquiring about Cubs. Yes I can ask mum to come here to look after them. Thing is, I feel really guilty having time away from them when I'm not working, as they want to be with me. Just aren't enough hours in the day/week.

Plan is definitely to get a dog but I need to wait a couple of years so they're old enough for me to be able to leave them alone while I walk it.

Make plans with friends. And get your mum to stay. I know how you feel. I never ask my mum to baby sit as they are 'my' children and I should cope. It also stopped me paying for baby sitters. I think I could spend that money on other things for the children. I have ended up with a very small and lonely life. Not that I would change it. I just know I need to make time for friends.

It is important we practice self care. And show the children we are more than just 'mum' and work.