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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Sleeping arrangements

16 replies

unicornsarereal72 · 04/06/2021 08:50

I wanted other peoples thoughts please. I have been separated from the children's father for 4 years or so now.

He left for ow this relationship ended a few months ago and he has a new gf.

Dc met her 4 weeks ago and stayed at hers for the weekend. My children slept on her bedroom floor next to new gf they had only just met and their father.

I explained to ex that this is not ok. They don't know her and they are too old for sleeping on floors in bedrooms now.

The alternative is the lounge floor. As her children are opposite gender to mine.

Am I being unreasonable for the one night a fortnight that her children all
Bunk in together and my children get a room and bed? I'm usually not precious about these things. But I'm sick of the children not having any space or being accommodated in anyway.

This is the sleeping arrangement he had with previous gf. But kids had known her over 3 years.

I usually just let these things go as I'm well aware I have no influence over what happens in his time. But I'm feeling uncomfortable about this on the children's behalf. I asked them and they aren't happy with it now either as they are older and aware of their own privacy etc. But will tolerate it because they know their dad will be dismissive of their 'whinging'.

OP posts:

FortunesFave · 04/06/2021 10:28

How old are your kids? It's all awkward and wrong but I would insist that they sleep on lounge floor on blow up mattresses if I were you.

There's nothing really wrong with that if it's only one night a fortnight. Not ideal at all...is your ex living at her house now or something?

partyatthepalace · 04/06/2021 10:31

I’d agree sitting room floor on blow ups. It’s going to cause family tension to expect her kids to move (I’m assuming it’s their home).

It’s odd your ex thinks bedroom floor is appropriate for sure.

ColaOlaLa · 04/06/2021 10:49

I don’t think that you can tell someone else what to do with their own kids in their own house that has nothing to do with you, so you want her kid out of their rooms and yours sleeping in there?

FortunesFave · 04/06/2021 11:09

I think it's weird that he thinks their bedroom floor is the normal and default place for them!

After the age of about 6, the sitting room floor would be fine. Pre that...well I wouldn't want my small children at some woman's house and probably would not allow it in your shoes..

If he;s living with her then he needs to make sure they have privacy. That being the sitting room floor.

Original poster

unicornsarereal72 · 04/06/2021 18:09

Thank you for the replies. Yes he has moved into her place. Only my youngest sleeps over now. And they are just 10 now.

The kids have always just had to put up with being an after thought. I had hoped that the new girl friend having kids of her own would have a bit more thought.

Happy to suggest lounge floor. Just feel for the kids. Guess the youngest will vote with their feet at some point too.

OP posts:

GettingItOutThere · 04/06/2021 22:25

sorry but i would not allow sleep overs until they can provide an appropriate room or space, stick to daytime visits?

kiddo5467 · 04/06/2021 22:38

@unicornsarereal72

Thank you for the replies. Yes he has moved into her place. Only my youngest sleeps over now. And they are just 10 now.

The kids have always just had to put up with being an after thought. I had hoped that the new girl friend having kids of her own would have a bit more thought.

Happy to suggest lounge floor. Just feel for the kids. Guess the youngest will vote with their feet at some point too.

It's such a shame for your DC. They're hardly going to feel welcome and wanted by their dad in this situation.

Regardless of how often they are there they should feel welcome and like it's a second home for them. It's not fair on them to see the nee "step kids" in their own rooms in their own beds while they have an air bed on the floor. Creating the that dynamic is a recipe for disaster

My exH had a similar set go for a few months when he was between properties but my DD stopped staying overnight as she didn't like sleeping of the floor. Luckily it didn't last long!

Personally if I was in his situation I would sleep on an air bed on the floor in the living room for the sake of one night a fortnight.

Original poster

unicornsarereal72 · 05/06/2021 07:54

@GettingItOutThere Sadly it isn't a point I can raise. There were several problems when we first separated. and school raised a safe guarding. The sleeping arrangements being one of them. Only for me to be told it is poor parenting.

My youngest was In Tears last night and we had chat about things. She finally opened up about how she feels and she just wants dad to have a place where she has a bed not the sofa or a floor. I guess the new relationship has changed the dynamics.

Ex will be dismissive of how the children feel. Always has. But for this week she is just going for the days. So dc is happy.

OP posts:

Jane1978xx · 28/06/2021 14:34

Does your ex not have his own home ? Can your children not share with same sex of her children ? My partners daughter sleeps on sofa bed in my daughters room and they are both happy about that.

Original poster

unicornsarereal72 · 28/06/2021 18:38

@Jane1978xx

No my daughters father has moved in with his girl friend. 4 weeks after splitting up with the previous girl friend. Her children are all boys.

Over nights have stopped until dd feels comfortable sleeping over. How they resolve the sleeping arrangements is up to them. I have made it clear sleep in their room is not appropriate.

OP posts:

Crowsandshivers · 28/06/2021 18:43

At 10, they should be fine in living room on a blow up? Not with the gf and father.

Original poster

unicornsarereal72 · 28/06/2021 18:50

@Crowsandshivers

Yes I agree. But not when she has only just met new girl friend and her children. In a strange house when her dad and the rest of the house won't be up out of bed until gone ten. And she has spent 3 hours on her own.

Hopefully over next few visits she will feel more comfortable staying.

OP posts:

Jane1978xx · 28/06/2021 18:59

Ah sorry I thought she had boys and girls.

BiscuitsNoMore · 28/06/2021 21:48

Unless she regularly goes it will remain a strange house?
Living room floor on a lilo.
At 10 I'm sure she can occupy herself a couple hours in the morning, make cereal or whatever.

My ds went to his dfs ow house starlight away, without my knowledge at 1st. He shared with the opposite sex until he was 13.
My dsd shared with my ds who until she was 7 and ds was 13 . We then moved and she shares with dd3 and ds1.
The court agreed with this and allowed it up till ds was 16. But fortunately we managed to move sooner.

Original poster

unicornsarereal72 · 29/06/2021 07:25

@BiscuitsNoMore I have no problem dd being there etc.

When ex first left and moved in with ow after 3 months they started staying over eow. They were smaller then and sleeping on floors and sofas was fun

I have no issue with dd going. My issue was it was the first time she had met new girlfriend and her children. Four weeks after the departure of the last girl friend and she was sleeping on their bedroom floor.

I'm reassuring dd that I am sure she will be happy to sleep over soon now she has been a few more times and gets to know them all better.

OP posts:

Light11 · 03/07/2021 21:34

If children are not ok with the floor they should just come back home in the evening to be honest. At 10 it seems disruptive. I know this won’t be the popular answer but the children are not ok with it so something needs to change.

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