Babydaddy playing step dad

[Hmummy97]

Hi all. Just needed somewhere to vent as I don't know who to talk to about these things anymore. I feel stupid for having these thoughts and feelings but I can't control having them. My LO's father disowned him when he was born and he is now nearly 2, just doesn't take anything to do with him, it's heartbreaking really but we've just got on with it and he is the happiest little boy in the world. My ex has been in and out of relationships since we split which hasn't really bothered me, at the beginning when I was still pregnant yeah it did but over time it just makes me laugh. However, his most recent is with a girl who has a little boy not much older than my son, I won't lie this has really got to me and made me quite emotional today (must be due on my period). I just feel so hurt for my little boy that his dad doesn't want to acknowledge his existence but will entertain someone with a child of their own? Maybe I'm being overreactive to feel like this, hence why I don't feel I can't talk to anyone about my feelings but it's hurt me a lot. I knew throughout my sons life this would always be something we have to deal with, his father disowning him as the problem will never go away - once he understands he is without a dad he will feel the rejection and it's unavoidable, no matter how much love I show him (I have family/friends who have told me so so I am prepared for this) but I was naive to not even consider the fact it could be amped up even more that my son will have to watch him play stepdad to other children, and god forbid have more but not want to know him. It just breaks my heart, I wish we didn't live in the same town and be exposed to my ex. My son still sees my exP's family and has a great relationship with them, i'm just so torn at the moment how healthy this is all going to be for my son growing up, will my exP's family suddenly "dump" my son is my exP has more children? My head is all over the place today, I just needed a place to dump my thoughts because I'm thinking myself into a dark pit 😪 I just want the best for my son, I never want him to feel the heartache caused by his dad

Try not to think too far a head. It is great you have enabled your ex's family to forge a relationship with your son.

Just focus on what you can control. Ensure those around your ds are good role models he will know he is loved and supported.

Wait and see how long this relationship lasts. Maybe a few months or years or it is a long haul. He has to answer your sons questions further down the line. Don't cover for him. It's ok to say you don't know to some questions.

Don’t give him any headspace , he’s not worth it . If your ex’s family are keen to have a relationship with your son now , even though his dad doesn’t want one I can’t see why they would change their minds further down the line . Also well done you for encouraging that relationship as lots of people wouldn’t have bothered .

A lot of men do this I’ve noticed.

I hope when your son was born, one of the first things you did was contact CMS and make sure he gets the correct amount of maintenance off his dad?

See it like this, your child is having a much better childhood with no dad than being constantly ignored or neglected with a nasty dad at home.

That “happiest little boy in the world” might have not had such a happy childhood if his dad had stayed around. So give yourself a pat on the back, you are doing great, do not think on what it may have been, concentrate on what you have and are doing right. 💐

Unfortunately I have known men do this when their children were much older (teens), having been doting fathers up until they swapped out the mother for a new girlfriend with her own children. They then dropped their biological children, and started playing doting stepdad to the girlfriend’s kids. It was bizarre to see (and horrible for my friends, who were the first children).

Some men really do seem to see children as the mother’s, and fatherhood as something that comes as part of shagging a woman with kids, rather than having an independent relationship with their own children. New girlfriend, new kids to be a father too. Old wife is dumped, so old kids are dumped. It is incomprehensible to me.

My df told my dm when he left for the ow that it was natural to prefer the dc of the woman you love.
That hurt. And I was an adult.

OP, I can understand why you're hurt and worried about this, but just try and remember that just because your ex is dating someone with a child doesn't necessarily mean he is 'playing stepdad'. He might have minimal involvement, if any, with this other child. Plus the child might have a good relationship with their own dad.