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Original poster

Am I expecting too much?

11 replies

Noidea837262 · 25/05/2021 13:47

DP and I separated about 2 months ago and he is living with his parents. We separated because he checked out of family life a lot, not pulling his weight with our children/around the house etc so he has form for this but I'm not sure if it's clouding my judgement.

Anyway. My Mum usually has my kids (4 & 2) Weds & Thurs while I'm at work and then MIL helps out on the Friday. Ex DP has a day off this Wednesday so MIL suggested we swap days so he can have the children. I agreed and swapped things with my mum.
Texted Ex DP yesterday to confirm we were still on for Weds and he said he thought we should leave it as the original plan. Then tried to say his parents house is untidy due to decorating. When I suggested he come to mine to have them he said he didn't want to get the bus early on his day off to have the kids. I then had to tell them that they wouldn't be seeing Daddy after all. Plus ring my mum and see if she could have them, as he had left me with no childcare.

So he has a day off and has decided not to see his kids because he can't be bothered to get the bus up in the morning. He last saw them Saturday at mine for about 3 hours and won't see them again now until Saturday, again probably for about 3 hours.

He's now acting like I'm being totally unreasonable and I'm doubting myself. A lot of gaslighting happened in our relationship, another reason I left.

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 25/05/2021 16:36

lazy sod.

Grizalda · 25/05/2021 16:40

A lot of gaslighting happened in our relationship, another reason I left.

Yeah, he hasn't changed. What a complete waste of space.

audweb · 25/05/2021 17:02

Lesson learned - don't change your child care arrangements based on him. You're not expecting too much - but you're not going to get what you're expecting, I know, its been that way with my ex for years now.

Aprilwasverywet · 25/05/2021 17:06

Ime if ex gets a sniff him having the dc is helping you out he won't do it..
Make solid arrangements for the dc that you can rely on. Offer contact when is totally convenient for you. If he doesn't take it are the dc really missing out not seeing such an arse hole? Keep a diary of let downs and no shows. If things get to court for example you will have a detailed record of his commitment to the dc so far...
And claim Cms. Whatever waffle he spouts
. Leave it to them.

schofieldsunderpants · 25/05/2021 17:10

@Aprilwasverywet

Ime if ex gets a sniff him having the dc is helping you out he won't do it.. Make solid arrangements for the dc that you can rely on. Offer contact when is totally convenient for you. If he doesn't take it are the dc really missing out not seeing such an arse hole? Keep a diary of let downs and no shows. If things get to court for example you will have a detailed record of his commitment to the dc so far... And claim Cms. Whatever waffle he spouts . Leave it to them.
I agree with this, my Ex was an absolute dick for letting me down when he knew I needed him to have DS. In his words "why should he have to babysit" Hmm
Mmmmdanone · 25/05/2021 17:17

What a waste of space!
Congratulations on your separation.

RandomMess · 25/05/2021 17:22

Stop letting him see them at yours 🤬

unicornsarereal72 · 25/05/2021 18:10

Don't change your childcare arrangements. His time is for x amount of hours on Saturday. No changing or being flexible. The children need routine to feel safe. And it is not at your house. If he misses he wait until the following week.

My ex would go months without seeing the kids. I refused to budge on the eow agreement and I stopped telling the kids he was coming as I got sick of the upset that was aimed at me. He has now stepped up to the routine cuts his time short or arrives late. That is his loss. He knows not to ask for swaps etc. Because I got sick of changing plans and then being left waiting.

Aprilwasverywet · 25/05/2021 18:20

Same if you have social plans. My mate's ex would just not turn up Saturday nights he was to have their dc she was going out..

Original poster
Noidea837262 · 25/05/2021 20:09

Wow, didn't expect so many replies. And agreeing with me too! Makes me feel sane.

My childcare is usually set in stone. My mum has done the Weds & Thurs for the last 18m. I stupidly thought it would be nice for the boys to see him and even more stupidly thought maybe he had changed.

I've already told him that contact cannot keep happening at my house otherwise he is never in charge of the children and I never get 5 minutes to myself. Not unlike our relationship to be honest.

Things like this are just confirming how I made the right decision to leave him

OP posts:
Original poster
Noidea837262 · 26/05/2021 06:23

He then texted me about 8.45pm and asked whether my mum would drop them down to him around lunchtime. I said no we are now sticking to the original arrangements.

I know he only wants them after lunchtime so he can have a lie in Angry

OP posts:
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