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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

How and who do you date?

21 replies

Felic23 · 21/05/2021 19:12

Hi all
Just wanted to see how other single parents dated? As in how do you find the time with children, work other commitments.

Also do you or would you date a man who had children? Sorry I'm assuming it's just Mum's on here!
I recently split up from a long term relationship as it was just too difficult to continue as we were both single parents.
Just looking to hear how other people manage and what they look when looking for potential partners ie no kids etc..?

OP posts:

CandyFIosss · 21/05/2021 20:10

I don’t 😂 I have 4 kids and they don’t see their dad so I can’t date, I’ve accepted that.

If I was to date I would prefer someone without kids but I know that’s unlikely to happen as a single parent to 4 but it would be my preference.

Original poster

Felic23 · 21/05/2021 20:22

Hi thanks for your reply. I understand that must be hard. I would love someone with no kids as terrible as I know that can sound I've been in 2 failed relationships both with single Dads. I'm thinking online dating is best option for me.
I hope you get opportunity in the near future to date if that's what you want x

OP posts:

lucy5236 · 21/05/2021 21:04

I'm the opposite, I prefer to date single dads...

I have quite specific reasons tho, I don't plan to have any more DC so I would feel if I was to date a guy without kids, I'd end up either:

With a guy who wanted kids in the future hence it wouldn't work long term

with a guy who didn't want kids, in which case it wouldn't work long term as my DS is always going to be around and always be my priority. I'm ideally looking for a serious relationship, eventually living together etc so I doubt a guy who didn't want kids would be the best match for that.

I am a bit of an over thinker and after years of dating I'm fed up with casual flings and dating around. If I was either open to something short term, or if I thought I might have more DCs my views would be different.

Think it depends on your own situation?

CandyFIosss · 21/05/2021 21:06

That’s like my sister, she prefers a man with kids because she doesn’t want anymore, personally for me I wouldn’t mind adult children but with 4 kids of my own I don’t really want to bring anymore into the mix and I’m not really a maternal person, I like my own but struggle with other people so probably a good job I’m single!

Original poster

Felic23 · 21/05/2021 21:35

I guess there is a difference between single dads that have their children full time or dads who have children but they live with their mother.

I think realistically anyone I meet will have children but what I don't want is another man who lives with their child.
I haven't dated in 6 years and am now 36, its all so much more complicated when your older and kids are involved!

OP posts:

unicornsarereal72 · 22/05/2021 07:49

Dating is. Mine field. I kinda have a list in my head has a job. Not miles away. Non smoker. Etc. I'm no the fence about them being a parent. Non parent men might not get the commitment. Men with adults kid. Do they really want to go there again.

As for making the time to date. As your children get older it is easier. I can leave mine for an hour or two. So lock down walks were good fit. Eow they go to their dads and I work 4 days a week. So there are pockets of time. If I wants to date without the usual baby sitters. I Have tried on and off. But I really can't be arsed.

Fruityfriday · 22/05/2021 07:51

I don't, I've been a lone parent for 9 yrs.i might do when DS is a teenager.

megletthesecond · 22/05/2021 07:53

I don't. I don't even go out, let alone date.
I figured it's 20 years of parenting then I'll reassess when both dc's are at Uni and I might have some time and energy again. Tbh, I doubt I'll bother, all sounds like hard work!

cocoloco987 · 22/05/2021 08:04

I've given up. My spare time is precious - 4 days a month and I don't want to waste it, and that's how dates have mostly felt in the past tbh. Previously though I'd always go for dads for the reasons given above - I don't want more dc and someone who didn't want dc at all probably wouldn't be compatible with my life. Obviously it wound be harder if they also had their dc full time but I wouldn't rule that out (just like I hope I wouldn't be ruled out for having mine). All of this is only relevant for potential long term relationships though. If just casual dating and a bit of fun, their child status is irrelevant.

Schnapps17 · 22/05/2021 08:22

DC's dad never sees them, even when he lived close by he hardly saw them. I will wait a couple of years, until I can leave them both together.

I've kind of given up on men anyway. I've encountered too many weirdos and not any who come close to what I'm really looking for. As I'm on my own with close to zero support network, it's difficult to meet compatible men. And OLD is full of 🧟‍♂️👺💩🤢

DDIJ · 22/05/2021 08:33

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Nataliafalka · 22/05/2021 08:38

I have my kids 100% of the time but they’re not too little, youngest is off to secondary soon, I only date men with kids, and only secondary age and above, I’ve no interest in getting involved in small children again and equally I am not interested in men with no children either as they don’t get the responsibilities you have for kids, I use babysitters when mine were little and I make it clear that there are no overnights!

I have a lovely partner who gets on great with my kids as a friend, who likes going home at night to his own place and who enjoys the space I need him to give me. We see each other 2-3 times a week and grab the odd weekend and holiday together and he usually joins us for a bit of our family holiday.

Nataliafalka · 22/05/2021 08:39

I don’t mean my kids thinks he’s a friend, I mean he’s like a friend to them, doesn’t do any parent business

Soopermum1 · 22/05/2021 11:42

I landed the jackpot in terms of kids. He has a grown up child so has experience and didn't want any more. When we met he was living a fully grown up life, not knocking around play areas and parks, but he's settled into my life and seems to enjoy the presence of my DC, and is fully supportive.

Original poster

Felic23 · 22/05/2021 21:23

Thanks for all replies. I've not given up with OLD ( I did it for years before I met my ex) it's actually how we met so I know that good man can be found that way!
I think I'm going to look for an older man. As they will likely have older children. My Son is in secondary school. It feels odd to date at this age (36) I suddenly feel very middle aged and the thought of dating is a bit scary. Not all like it was 7/8 years ago! Oh well...I think I just need to get out there and do it :/

OP posts:

Original poster

Felic23 · 22/05/2021 21:24

That sounds like the ideal scenario!

OP posts:

Manzanilla55 · 23/05/2021 14:16

What baffles me is why people so much as want to. Relationships are very overrated. Most men selfish. Even if they weren't I wouldn't bother again. D's dad was my fourth live in relationship however and I am mature. Not even into the idea of dating. Single is bliss.

Happycat1212 · 23/05/2021 15:31

Loneliness for me, kids are great but it doesn’t stop them boredom and loneliness in the evening when they are in bed and having no adult company, maybe it’s not as noticeable if you have a big group of friends but I can’t say that’s the case for me sadly!

lucy5236 · 23/05/2021 19:46

@Happycat1212 I'm similar to you.
Plus DS spends 2 or 3 nights a week with his dad so I keep it very separate. I split from his dad over 5 years ago and she's only met one of my partners in that time and that was after almost a year.

It's companionship for me. Plus my DS is absolutely the centre of my world but I sometimes worry that if I don't have anything other than him, when he gets older I'll become one of those overbearing, over involved mums that have nothing else going on in their lives. I feel our relationship is much more intense and full on than a lot of my friends have with their kids so it's almost like I need some adult company and something for 'me' - not that it needs to be a man! Dating is just a nice distraction when my DS is away

Happycat1212 · 23/05/2021 19:52

My children are with me 24/7 as they don’t see their dad and as much as I love them I do feel like my own life is basically over, all I am is a mum and I have no life for myself. Family have also said the same about living your life through your kids and then when they are older and move out I will be left all alone. People say to make friends etc but I don’t find making friends as an adult particularly easy, much easier to find a new partner and I do crave adult company and something for me that isn’t just about the kids.

DoLallyTapMum · 24/05/2021 21:48

I was pretty much in your situation over a year ago, unsure who was best to date (with or without kids) and braved OLD for the first time in my life. I met a truly wonderful man who I genuinely consider to be my soul mate (never felt anywhere close to that before). He has 3 kids and I have 1, but after 6 months we introduced them and they all get on fantastically.
I’ll be honest, most of our dating has been evenings in (Though our first few dates were obviously not) and not just because of COVID, but to be quite frank we’re not that bothered about going out in the evenings now that we can.
I have family who will babysit for special occasions (birthdays/New Years etc and thankfully they babysat for our first few dates) but when I decide to start dating I was preparing to pay a regular babysitter and had factored this into my budget plans for the future. I think if you can’t afford a regular babysitter (or find one you trust) then dating is very hard.

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