Dropped contact

[SouthAfricanQueen]

Ex has a court order to see DC every week, but recently this has dropped you once a month-every 6 weeks. He dragged me though court, wanted full residency, was emotionally abusive, got all of this contact awarded and now.. nothing. Made me go through hell to just drop contact at a whim. I should have known really he didn't pay any interest in DC, their medical issues, how the were doing at school.. didn't once contact any professionals involved in DC's care.. but it's shocked me as to how little he thinks of DC.

Has anyone else been through this, how do I help my DC's through all of this? Anyone had their ex actually step up despite messing about with contact or completely disappear? And if the latter how long did that take ? Really I'd much prefer him to be either all in or just to back off

We went through 2/3 years of hit and Miss contact. I'd have the kids waiting and them get no reply to my messages and calls etc so then I just started to assumed he wasn't coming and me and the kids just got on doing our own thing If he turned up it was a bonus. More recently he has stuck to his 24 hours eow. Although I think it has more to do with gf than him actually wanting to see the children 🤷‍♀️
His priorities haven't changed. Always himself and His social life at the top of his list.

@unicornsarereal72 did the missed contact upset your DC's and is there anything that you done that helped them ? Sounds like my ex, all for his social life

The youngest was 5 at the time they would throw big tantrums each time he didn't show up . Cry hit me kick me. They were disappointed understandably. And let down. I don't think they remember it now. I quickly stopped tell them that he was due after the first few times. Youngest adores their father and accepts the crumbs he gives. He had them for one over night last year (instead of the few odd hours here bs there) for a day by the sea. This was the highlight of the whole year. Regardless of all the lovely things we do together. I rationalised it. As it was the only good thing he did in about 3 years and of course it was special to them.
My eldest who was 11/12 at the time quickly went non contact. For a lot of other reason dad related I pay for private counselling for them. And this is going to be long term.

Of course ex takes no responsibility it's all my fault. I wish he would step up and be consistent. Or just buggar off but that's me being selfish.

I have never lied to the children I try to distract them when they were younger. But I just say I don't know why daddy can't come this week. I'm not setting them up for an even bigger fall by saying he is working etc.

I was dragged through courts when my little one was 4 months old. I was even hospitalised due to stress because he made up all sorts about me and I didnt know how courts worked and if they would believe his lies...
My little one is now 3 years old and has not seen my ex for a year and half. I applied to court around September to get rid of the court order. Our court date was this year, the day after his childs birthday and he said he didnt want to contest what I wanted. So now Ive no court order in place anymore. I think I was taken to court as an attempt to have control, nothing to do about caring for my child