Fatherless daughter

[Catlo]

My daughter is approaching 2years old and her dad has been non existent for around 7months and was inconsistent before, so she has no idea who he is. Because of this I have accepted that its more than likely that she will grow up without him so I have started to worry about what I'm going to tell her.
She will start nursery soon and with activities for fathers day and mum and dad based things, I'm sure the questions are inevitable.

My older son has a father who is wonderful, always there for him and sees him always and I feel so bad my daughter doesn't have the same. Although she gets lots of hugs and attention from my sons dad which is amazing.
Are there any other lone parents who had the same dilemma, how did you approach the conversation? I just want to be prepared. I want her to be strong and know she's incredible and he was too stupid to realise!

Thanks 😊

That's sounds very difficult, my ex is absent but he is the father to all 4 I think it must be harder having one hands on dad and one absent . I've never lied to my kids about father working away or sick etc just the truth in an she appropriate way

Definitely tell the truth in an age appropriate way. And identify an adult to receive Father’s Day gifts. Maybe a grandfather or godfather or uncle. Let your child choose who they want this to be (check the adult will be up for it)

Prime them to be excited when they receive the Father’s Day card. Give the school a heads up too so they understand.

Thank you so much for the advice, its a very difficult situation, I've been told to say he wasn't ready and he was too young but my sons father was even younger when we had him! I hate these excuses 😔 just feel awful she even has to go through this.
I think I will just keep it short and simple until she's ready and old enough to discuss him with me

I would probably say the he wasn’t ready but without the young bit, also make sure you inform the school/nursery, as I didn’t realise it was a thing at school until mine came out with Father’s Day cards with no dad to give them to, it was really uncomfortable and I thought the school was well aware he wasn’t involved, but clearly not!

Maybe say he wasn't able (rather than ready) to be in her life? That way it's not his or her fault really but she doesn't have to mull over what 'ready' means... to a small child she might not understand what you mean by ready to have a kid and translate that into... didn't want her.

If he wasn't able or wasn't capable then she will think something must have stopped him rather than him choosing not to. I know the truth is he chose not to but you don't want her to know that until much older I think because it could make her see it as a choice and that might make her see it as she wasn't good enough.

He wasn't able to removes that option. I'm not a parent but I didn't see my dad for a few years and I feel it would've helped to have an explanation that didn't make me feel abandoned.

That’s a good idea about not being able to rather than ready, though I would be careful about her blaming you, lots of children end up blaming their mums for the dad being absent, and when “daddy” appears again (which sometimes happens) they often spin the line that mum stopped them/didn’t allow them, after all no one admits they just couldn’t be bothered, so mine have always known it was their fathers choice not to be around and that he wasn’t stopped by me.

Complete line parent to a little girl myself I've thought about this many times, come fathers day I'd find it cute if she made her grandpa a card and some bits and pieces as my dad is the closest thing to a dad she will ever have, but for you if your little girl has a nice enough relationship with your sons dad for the sake of the questions at nursery it could be quite nice if she made her brother dad a card or her grandpa? X

I’m in the same situation, although she is only 7mo, so not aware of her fathers absence just yet. He’s been absent since early pregnancy. I do wonder what I will say, or how this will be approached at nursery / school / Father’s Day. So it’s nice to hear people’s suggestions.