Tricky home situation

[Ellis8616]

Hello
Not sure if anyone will have been through this or not but I am desperate for some advice, or at least some words from anyone who may have experienced similar situation.
I separated from my husband a year ago but we are still living together. We have 2 children (one school age, the other at nursery) and have started divorce proceedings. There is absolutely no way either of us want to go back, we are both happy with the decision to divorce and have a reasonably amicable relationship. However, I am suffering so much living in the same house as him and I just want to be able to have some personal space, headspace etc. I am looking to get a part time job when my youngest starts school in September so I can still do the school drop off/pick up and then I will be financially independent but, until we sell the house, I have no money to be able to move out. I feel so stuck. He says he can’t afford to move out so I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know how much longer I can share the house with my ex; my anxiety is at an all time high and I feel like I’m existing in an environment where I can’t have any kind of personal life (I don’t mean a new relationship or anything like that, I just mean having privacy to make phone calls, talk freely to my friends and family, have friends round etc). Has anyone else been through anything like this and able to offer any advice?xxx

I haven't been though this, but I can imagine the pain and stress is just horrific.

Could you maybe formalise the childcare arrangements so that you have a certain number of evenings a week to yourself?(you may have to go out, but now covid restrictions are lifting and it is summer that should help) and take it in turns to have the kids every other weekend- perhaps it would be difficult for you or home to physically leave the house every other weekend, but maybe you could agree that once a month each of you actually goes somewhere else on your weekend "off", whether that is to stay with family or friends, or to stay in a Premier Inn or a B&B.

This would help prepare you for a physical separation, and also help the kids get used to only having one parent around.

Thank you for your reply :-)

We have been trying to take it in turns having the kids every other weekend for the reasons you mention above and, though it does give us both a chance to ‘breathe’ a little, it is also kind of making me feel like I’m living some sort of double life! As I feel I haven’t really got roots put down, if that makes sense? Just the everyday routine, food shopping, preparing the kids’ meals, school and nursery run etc- I feel like I’m under the microscope? As I’m doing it while being watched by my ex, who then chimes in to critique the things I’m not doing right which, even under the best circumstances, isn’t easy! I know this won’t be forever, I know I’m lucky to have 2 beautiful healthy children helping me through the tough times and I know I’m lucky to have a roof over my head etc- but I feel like I’m suffocating...

Also- both sets of parents are very far away, we don’t have any family support network nearby so that makes it much harder for me to have any outside support or childcare x

Sorry for all the waffling, just wanted to add that I don’t mean to sound negative, I’m such a positive, half glass full sort of person but after a year of living this way it’s just taking it’s toll and I need to vent!

Worth investigating what benefits you’d be entitled to if you moved out/ what’s available to rent in the area?