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Am I being unreasonable ?

4 replies

SunshineMum18 · 17/05/2021 05:38

Hey all, I'm not usually one to post on here, but god knows I need some help and advice, so here goes. I have been with my partner for five years now. We have a soon to be four year old son and life used to be great. We both had very good jobs, went on amazing holidays and generally had a lovely time. Then last year around March time, things started to change. I noticed my other half was smoking cannabis more and more, until it got to a point he was doing it every single night. We then found out we were pregnant with our second child. We were so excited. We had hoped for a little girl to complete our family. Then during our pregnancy in the middle of a global pandemic, he hands in his notice at work. For no apparent reason, other than he is wanted to. Now, this was the issue of many arguments and many sleepless nights. Over the course of well, the next 6 months I was the sole provider for our family. It was quite difficult looking back, and quite frankly I don't know how I did it, as my job is extremely stressful (I work 12 hour days as a sales manager, leading a very big team). I used to come home to my partner smoking cannabis, telling me he was looking for work, but I must be honest... I didn't see much of that happening. Nevertheless, I was supportive and tried my best to keep on top of the bills etc. Then he finally found another job, which relieved so much stress, two months before our due date... amazing! Then our baby girl was born in January... much to our amazement and disbelief... she was diagnosed at birth with many, serious health complications that meant she finds breathing difficult. I ended up in Great Ormond St Hospital with her for three months...during this time, due to COVID it was a one parent rule. Meaning, every two weeks one parent could swap with the other. I was really tired as you can imagine, having just given birth, speaking with surgeons, doctors, consultants on a daily basis... I just wanted to go home. (I was staying in the parent accommodation). So I asked my other half when he wanted to swap with me... he said he didn't want to. He doesn't like speaking to doctors etc. I was gutted and struggling. I told him as much, that it would really help me process everything but still, he refused. A few weeks later, he jacks in his job for the second time. Then our daughter came home finally, whilst we wait for her surgery, she is being tube fed. Of course this was and is so stressful, but on top of this worrying about bills etc when I just shouldn't have to. Now, it's fair to say I struggled with my mental health somewhat in the weeks coming home. I remember one day, he called his mum and sister to pick him up and take the kids back to her house, and when they arrived. I was made to feel like an awful mother. I was shouted at, goaded and didn't feel an ounce of support from anyone. Even the sister didn't look me in the eye. Over the next few weeks, I calmed down. I noticed I was happier and stress free on my own. So, I went back to work part time and have been for two months or so now (someone needed to). My partner... well he's still unemployed. Smokes cannabis everyday. He's moved back home to his mums permanently now while he works on himself. I try to support him, but feel as though I am met with a lot of negativity and name calling etc. Excuse the lengthiness of this message, I'm sure there are things I have definitely missed out, but hoping you get the jist. Am I being unreasonable here or am I doing the right thing by letting him go? Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you x

OP posts:
Clarinet53 · 17/05/2021 06:23

I think you know that things have been better while you're on your own.

I don't think there is a way back from the lack of support that he has shown during an incredibly stressful time for you.

I hope your daughter is doing well too!

unicornsarereal72 · 17/05/2021 07:10

No loving partner would behave like this at such. Difficult time. He should be providing for his family and be supportive of you all

It's ok to say this isn't working. Focus on you and the children.

None of us started a family wanting to do it alone. We have all hung in there longer than we should for the family imagine. You and the children. Will be better off without this dead weight.

It is hard at first. Especially with the children so small. I promise you it will be worth it. I'm few years down the line and my favourite thing is my new bed. So comfortable and I get it all to myself.

Focus on the small pleasures. Everything else will fall into place. Show your children what a strong women you are.

SunshineMum18 · 17/05/2021 13:18

Thank you so much, ladies.
I think I know what I have to do, I guess im just looking for reassurance that I'm not being too hasty. But me and my kids deserve more than this.

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright1 · 17/05/2021 22:35

My ex h smoked cannabis. He cared about it more than me or Ds.

I would say don’t try and be supportive. Leave him to it and build a life for you and your dc.

Do ensure you are financially separated. He could end up spending your money.

You didn’t give up hope he stopped trying/ caring

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