Mid-week overnight - what's a reasonable journey time

[likeasongbird]

I am the resident parent to my DD (5).
She lives with my ex EOW.

My ex wants to see DD more.
He asked if he could pick up DD every other Thursday from school.
I was not keen initially as ex lives 1 hour from school. However I agreed to try it and see how DD got on.

The day before (!) the new Thursday overnight arrangement was due to start ex informs me that he's moved house. The journey time between DD school and his new home is now 1 hour 45 minutes on average.

Am I right in thinking this is far too long a journey for a mid-week overnight for a primary school aged child? By the time she gets to ex's house it will be a case of quick dinner, bath and straight to bed.

I've said ex should take DD out locally for a play at the park and a pizza instead if he's happy to make the journey but he says it's not the same and is now threatening me with court proceedings.

It’s too far imo. But I can’t say what court would say personally. but I do think that sounds too far.

I travelled 45 mins on a Wednesday night after school with dc then back to school Thursday leaving at 7.40am. No life op. Hideous and no worthwhile time with the dc.. Whatsoever.. Half asleep during the journey Wednesday, readjustment in their other home, hardly have a late night either when need to be out so early. Bleary eyed morning journey.. Don't miss those days at all.

Would he be picking her up from school Thursday night then taking her to school on Friday morning then every other weekend picking her up from school Friday night? So every other week she is travelling almost two hours, three times, in two days?
That's too much... that's not in her best interest.
I think you are right to suggest he can spend time with her local to her own home during that weekday evening.

My view is overnights during the school week, especially when so young, are simply disruptive and utterly unfair on the child

Add a long journey in to the mix and it’s downright bloody awful

Court told me blocks of time were better for dc...
After trying to manage 500 miles a week keeping to our old court order I - and the judge tbh - told us to sort out a new one..
I got more of the holidays which suited me and the dc..

By all means take her to the park or for dinner but then home to bed not an overnight. She's not long started school.. it's disruptive. 1.45hrs is a ridiculous journey to expect a 5 year old to do after school let alone in the morning before school!

Way too far to travel. I agree with PPs re Park and dinner but personally I would be saying no.

That's ridiculous. She'd get to his place at 5. Have tea. Then have to leave at 5.30 to be home for a 7.15 bedtime routine start. So he'd get 30 mins decent contact. Which he thinks is preferable to a couple of child-centred hours at the park and Pizza Express?

Court? Tell him to bring it on.

Thanks all. I think he is being very selfish in his demands and not considering the reality of those journeys either. Ex will quickly tire of them and expect DD would dread them. I will be standing firm on this.

Personally I would suggest a trial. Let him agree with you for once!!.
I guarantee he will hate it!