Hi everyone, first post here.
I was in a very abusive relationship for 15 years , we have two children and we are now divorced. As with most abusive ex spouses I got dragged through the court accused of all sorts, it was horrendous and exhausting but in the end he admitted to the court it was actually him that was abusive to me as I had the proof of physical injuries amongst other abuse. They basically gave him a telling off and that was all, I guess I could go to the police now he’s admitted it but I’m so exhausted. I’ve been to the police before, they are helpful and supportive but i didn’t take anything further at the time I wasn’t ready, I still don’t feel I am.
Anyway, the court gave him access to the kids in increments as he doesn’t have a great relationship with them, he has never hurt them but he is emotionally manipulative and the judge spoke to him about it and just said it was ‘Inappropriate’ and he needs to stop, he won’t. He is seeing them for 4 hours every other Saturday and by the time its October he will be having them over night. He has put in every variation known for 3 years now, he just does this to waste my time as I need to put in the hours responding and they have always been rejected. He has one that’s just been agreed, he moved from London to Cambridgeshire so put in a variation for his fuel costs, they agreed to this which I guess is fair but he earns £2000 a week so he’s not struggling. I’m in a different situation as I’m on a low wage after starting again from scratch and not working for years because of him, but I do ok and I’m so much happier.
Even though I was abused by this man for years and I’m frightened of what could happen the judge ordered he pick the kids up Friday PM (from parents) and I pick the children up from him in Cambridgeshire Sunday PM from October. I was in tears and pleaded for her not to put me in that situation but she said it was ‘fair parenting’ drop off/pick up. He was delighted, he knows I don’t drive (he never let me) I will have to take three trains and two buses to get the children, so far I’ve looked at the cost and it’s in the region of £80+ for a single weekend and I will have to do this every other. I asked CMS if they would take into consideration a special expenses variation for me as the receiving parent as I have to travel to get the kids and they said no it’s not in their policy. So he gets his special expenses taken from the money for the kids for his fuel costs weekly which is £16 but I have nothing to help me for my travel? I just don’t think that’s fair? I’m so lost with this all.