Christmas contact arrangements - what do you do?

[fedupandfiredup]

We have a court order outlining arrangements for contact over Christmas. We are back in court soon so I'm looking at whether another arrangement might work better for the children.

What do you do about contact, and is it court ordered?

Thank you in advance

My ex is not involved so I don’t share but isn’t the usual to alternate?

My DP and his ex have 2 kids and they always alternate Christmas Day and work the rest out around that.

Historically when it hasn't been DP's year to have them Christmas Day, he has had them 22nd(ish) until about 6pm on Christmas Eve, celebrating and doing gifts on 24th. When it is his year, he will do similar but return them Christmas Evening instead.

Last year they changed it up a bit and they celebrated with their mum on Christmas Eve and DP had them from evening of 24th until morning of 27th.

I'm not a fan of switching it up halfway through the day as some people do. I don't think it's very fair on the children to be carted around like that, they don't get much time to relax and enjoy the day.

Ps. None of the above is court ordered, but DP & ex are totally amicable.

Mine are grown up now, but when they were little we used to alternate years regarding where they woke up on Xmas day.

Handover happened around 6pm on Xmas Day (after Dr Who if I remember rightly!) by which time the DC were winding down and it didn't really feel like they were being 'carted about'. They tell me they enjoyed having 'Xmas Day II' on Boxing Day!

The downside of this, though, was that we could never go to stay with relatives for the 'Xmas eve to boxing day' that we might otherwise have done.

Handover happened around 6pm on Xmas Day (after Dr Who if I remember rightly!) by which time the DC were winding down and it didn't really feel like they were being 'carted about'. They tell me they enjoyed having 'Xmas Day II' on Boxing Day!

Sorry wasn't talking about arrangements like this, which is the same as what I said my DP does above!

I mean when the children get picked up by the other parent bang in the middle of Christmas Day rather than letting them spend the day in one place and just celebrating again with them next day.

Sorry for the amount of 'days' in that sentence!

Thank you guys.

We alternate the day itself so one parent gets 6pm on Christmas Eve until 9:30am on Boxing Day, then it's the other parent the following year.

Whoever doesn't have the children for Christmas Day, then gets them for 5 nights from Boxing Day.

Ex husband is complaining that, if he has them for Christmas Day, he doesn't see them for a while afterwards. He's asking for New Year's Eve aswell. Because he wants to take them to a party I guess, which doesn't seem very child-focussed to me!

@Happycat1212

My ex is not involved so I don’t share but isn’t the usual to alternate?

Thanks. That's what we do for the day itself. It's the rest of the Christmas school holidays that we're stuck on.

@Bibidy

My DP and his ex have 2 kids and they always alternate Christmas Day and work the rest out around that.

Historically when it hasn't been DP's year to have them Christmas Day, he has had them 22nd(ish) until about 6pm on Christmas Eve, celebrating and doing gifts on 24th. When it is his year, he will do similar but return them Christmas Evening instead.

Last year they changed it up a bit and they celebrated with their mum on Christmas Eve and DP had them from evening of 24th until morning of 27th.

I'm not a fan of switching it up halfway through the day as some people do. I don't think it's very fair on the children to be carted around like that, they don't get much time to relax and enjoy the day.

Thank you. We don't split the day at the moment, I know what you mean. Much less relaxing and enjoyable for the kids if they're on the move.

@fedupandfiredup

Thank you guys.

We alternate the day itself so one parent gets 6pm on Christmas Eve until 9:30am on Boxing Day, then it's the other parent the following year.

Whoever doesn't have the children for Christmas Day, then gets them for 5 nights from Boxing Day.

Ex husband is complaining that, if he has them for Christmas Day, he doesn't see them for a while afterwards. He's asking for New Year's Eve aswell. Because he wants to take them to a party I guess, which doesn't seem very child-focussed to me!

Hmm I guess it depends on your usual arrangement as well...is 5 days a long time compared to how often he sees them outside of Christmas?

I think your arrangement for Christmas Day etc itself sounds good but sort of think there's no reason why the person who doesn't have them should then get 5 days to make up for it, especially if you're both in jobs where you're off during that time so would be nice to both have some time with the kids (obvs don't know if that's the case for you).

My DP does tend to have one or two days with the kids between Christmas and NY (regardless of who had them for Christmas Day) as it's extra time when they're off school and he's off work. He only usually has them EOW so it makes a difference to him.

The court gave the 5 days. Seems a bit random to me. My ex is saying that, on the years that he has the kids Christmas Day, it can then be 10 days before he sees them. Because it just reverts to the eow arrangement. I just wondered whether other people do things to compensate for that, but I guess not. Thanks for your help

My exH and I have an agreed arrangement (between ourselves, not court) that he has DS every other weekend and one night in the week. But, when it comes to the school holidays, including Christmas, he has DS a day or so more than he would in normal term time.

Say it was my turn to have DS at Christmas and this fell just before 'my' weekend, we wouldn't leave it so there was a 10 day gap before DS saw his Dad again, we would maybe add in a couple of extra nights in between. My exH and I get on ok so our discussions around this are reasonable and we usually come to a mutual agreement; I know not everybody is lucky enough to be in that situation.

I hope the above made sense!

Oops sorry my post crossed yours 🙈

@SaintVal

My exH and I have an agreed arrangement (between ourselves, not court) that he has DS every other weekend and one night in the week. But, when it comes to the school holidays, including Christmas, he has DS a day or so more than he would in normal term time.

Say it was my turn to have DS at Christmas and this fell just before 'my' weekend, we wouldn't leave it so there was a 10 day gap before DS saw his Dad again, we would maybe add in a couple of extra nights in between. My exH and I get on ok so our discussions around this are reasonable and we usually come to a mutual agreement; I know not everybody is lucky enough to be in that situation.

I hope the above made sense!

It does make sense!! Thanks 😊

We have something link SanitVal so every other year alternated but court ordered but with it being half term it's the Monday to Boxing Day and then Boxing Day until the Monday after New Years but if the normal alternative weekend are there then it can be 10 days each

This coming year is Friday 17th - 26th as 17-19 is normal weekend with parent A and then 26th - 3rd Jan with B with school commencing 4th. Next year parent B will have Christmas week and A will have New Years with the alternative weekends still going ahead.

We have half school holidays so 1 week at Xmas.
But in that we have Xmas eve till Xmas night 1 year then Xmas night till boxing night the following.
The rest of the holidays is worked around that when her mum notifies us. Has tk be equal states in CAO.

So if it's not exs turn for Christmas day he gets neither Christmas nor New Year? I see ex's point, but how to adjust it is tricky.

Perhaps it could change to alternate Christmas and New Year?

We have met at my mum's or Sil's House. More neutral territory. So not applicable to your situation.