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Lone parents

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Original poster

Help! I don’t want ex to text me but I need him to be able to communicate re: daughter

14 replies

GenGenGo · 10/05/2021 14:18

Hi everyone, I do hope someone can help.
My husband and I split up six months ago and are co-parenting. Things were amicable for a while but had deteriorated to the extent that he is annoyed with me the whole time and every phone call ends up with him shouting and me crying. Then I receive a barrage of texts. I try so hard not to be affected in front of my daughter but it’s really tough.

I have a real problem with him being able to text me whenever he likes and upset me, it’s affecting my mental health. It’s not a police type issue so don’t really want to go down any kind of legal route! I would just really like to block his number but I can’t as then we couldn’t communicate about our daughter if something happened.

Anyone have any tips for this kind of thing? I just wish he couldn’t contact me but that’s impossible

Thanks in advance

OP posts:

Happycat1212 · 10/05/2021 14:23

Original poster

GenGenGo · 10/05/2021 14:25

I thought of that but worried in case there was something urgent

OP posts:

Clymene · 10/05/2021 14:25

Email and set up a folder and a rule so that his emails all go directly into that folder. Then you only read them and see them when you want - not the rest of the time.

And tell him this is the only way you will communicate from now on. Keep the abusive texts and a record of the calls in case you need them though.

Clymene · 10/05/2021 14:26

How old is your daughter? Is she with him when he's shouting and sending you abusive texts?

Happycat1212 · 10/05/2021 14:28

Hmm I’m sure if there was he would deal with it and call an ambulance etc, plenty of parents only communicate via email. There are also apps if you prefer that. Or if you really don’t want to do that then unblock him when he has your child and then block him when he doesn’t

Sprogonthetyne · 10/05/2021 14:28

Agree with pp. Set up a email account that is used solely for DD related communication, then tell him the schedule of when it will be checked (could be daily, weekly or on x,y,z days) then block/don't respond to any other contact.

romdowa · 10/05/2021 14:30

Can you unblock his number when she is with him ? That way you can get a call if it's an emergency but other than that he can't contact you the rest of the time and it can be through email for routine day to day stuff?

Original poster

GenGenGo · 10/05/2021 14:35

Thanks for the tips, good idea about the email account and/or the unblocking whilst she is with him

OP posts:

unicornsarereal72 · 10/05/2021 14:41

I told my ex clearly I would only communicate with him about the children. He didn't like it. But I refused to engage.
I used emails for the longer stuff. Text only about pick up and drop off times.
I also changed his name in my phone. To kids dad.

When we first split up and it was very raw I couldn't bear to have the contact. Further down the line I am more meh about it.

I also made a rule I wouldn't respond to anything straight away either. Gave myself thinking space and not responding with emotions. And something just didn't warrant a reply. So got ignored. Or go into business mode. Thank you for your update. I have received your Information etc.

LilyinWonderland · 11/05/2021 18:23

You've got to have clear boundaries. I block my ex and unblock him on his contact days incase he needs to cancel, is ill or running late. No need to be able to contact me otherwise.

happybaby39 · 11/05/2021 18:32

Depending on the age of your child, I recently gave my 7 year old an old phone with a pay as you go chip in. I wasn’t comfortable with her being at her Father’s house and not being able to contact me. Also she knows how to make an emergency call in case anything happened to him while she is there. My son had a phone when he was nine and both the children use it to contact their Father now. I arrange a weekly catch up and keep it to only discussing anything relevant to the children and don’t bother if there is nothing to say. I am 5 years down the line though, it takes a lot of patience and having to bite your tongue sometimes but it can be amicable, but keeping them at arms lengths for your own sanity. 💐

bonfireheart · 15/05/2021 07:52

it takes a lot of patience and having to bite your tongue sometimes but it can be amicable, but keeping them at arms lengths for your own sanity. 💐

Totally this. And what exes fail to realise is that they kids grow up and hear this, they hear their father being awful to their mother and lose all respect for him. I had so many issues with ex and now DD12 refuses to see him.

picturesandpickles · 15/05/2021 08:02

Designated email address just for this, and request no more texts except for urgent isssues.

PreparationPreparationPrep · 15/05/2021 08:07

Create a new email address just for him. With a different provider to the one you already Havel. Download the app and switch on badge for notifications. This way you only need to open the app if you see a notification. For example if you are with gmail. Create a new Hotmail account. Honestly if it is an emergency he will know how to get hold of you - can he have a relatives number in case he can't get you in an emergency- someone he would not harass?

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