Arse of an ex

[HornbeamLane]

I left my ex when DD was 5 months old because he was controlling.
Subsequently he's impossible to deal with but obviously wants to see DD. She's 10 months old now, breastfed and he wants her at the weekends from 9.30am to 7pm because in his words "she goes to sleep at 8". I tried to limit this so he takes her earlier and drops her earlier but he refuses. And gives no reason. And if I try to do anything I get an absolute torrent of shit from him which goes on sometimes for days.
I give him everything he needs for her for the day and her stuff has started going missing and I'm having to rebuy it. I've said I'm not going to do this anymore and he can get her nappies, wipes, etc.
Obviously I can stop giving him spare clothes and other things and he will have to buy it all but I'm mindful that he's the laziest person I've ever known and he will do the bare minimum for her.
I get next to no support from him, and yet im buying things twice (or more) because he can't return her hat and stupid things like that. But if I don't give him one he will just let the sun go on her eyes. What do I do? Or do i just let it slide knowing im doing the best for her ?

Thats a long time for a 10 month old! I had to go through courts with my ex and at 1 year old he was allowed 8 hours once a week from 10am to 6pm. Its not ok to give a 10 month old 30 minutes to wind down before they sleep. It wont happen and will make putting them to bed harder trust me. My ex did the bare minimum too and my child was always hungry. So he had an hour of calming down and having some toast before bed. I did always provided everything for contact including packed lunches and spare clothes as I couldn't even trust him to get food he would eat. Although I never had the problem of missing clothes. He is trying to be controlling. I would make sure your child is home 1 hour before bedtime. If he really cared about his child 30 minutes isnt going to be a huge difference for the sake of his child getting much needed sleep. Funnily enough my ex now has no interest and hasnt seen my child in a year and half. Dont let them control you and they will get bored

Sorry I read that wrong 😂 I dont know where I got the 30 mins before her bedtime! Still not ok for her to be gone until 7pm. No courts would even allow that at her age. Stick to what you think is acceptable. You have given more than enough. I would never give more than 8 hours. Either he can take it or doesnt. You need to be the one in control here x

I had an ex like this hats. Gloves jumpers . A cost the list was endless and I was petty for asking for things he had lost.

My children are older now so once it is missing I don't send anything else. If they ask I say dad has to find it or get you another one.

I only send things I'm not precious about now. I send cheap pjs hats etc. I would buy what you can as cheaply as you can and send that. At your fighters age you can get real bargains in the charity shops) I know you shouldn't have to but if it helps I do wonder what he is doing with all these things when he does 2 over nights a month. They are no use to him

Have you had any legal advice about contact? I would also look at gingerbread site they might have some advice. Stay strong. Sadly you have years of this nonsense ahead of you. So set the presidency now. Be firm with times and items. He will react because he knows you are not being silly or petty. You are high lighting his flaws and they don't like it.

You would be within your rights to withold contact and let him take you to court.
Write everything down with dates and times.
Talk to your health visitor.

10 hours is a long time, especially if your breastfeeding. afternoon contact after the midday feed would be more appropriate. If he doesn't agree to any compromise, in the interests of the child then yes you can withhold contact and wait for him to take you to court.

I'm in a fairly similar situation, babies around the same age. My ex has him twice a week from 11am-5pm, he sometimes brings him back about half an hour late. I start doing the bedtime routine at 6pm,I asked him to bring him at 5 so he can have some time to settle in but mainly as a buffer as I knew he would be late more often than not. I think it's best to be strong and say these are the times I'm comfortable with and that's it. They will quickly get used to whatever happens so it's hard to reduce the time of you know what I mean so would be careful about setting a president. I had to nag for 3 weeks about him buying a sunhat - was on the verge of buying a cheap one for him to just wear over there xx

Maybe say your going to start putting her to bed earlier?